Top 5 Episode I: Cancelled Too Soon

Let’s face it.  Sometimes (READ: all the goddamn time) people with no creative talent whatsoever make bad decisions about creative ventures based solely on how much money they are making/losing.  It’s not their fault that they are ruining our fun.  That is what they get paid to do (Make those decisions, not ruin our fun).  Sometimes, they do a good job, i.e.  Pan Am was terrible, it got cancelled mid season.  Sometimes, they do a terrible job, i.e. Whitney has been renewed for another season.  Some TV shows need a few seasons to grow organically, but if they are not pulling in ratings, the network gives ‘em the axe.  If you don’t give a show the room it needs to grow an audience, it never will.  Every now and then, shows with a great premise and a promising audience get cancelled anyway.  Here are my top 5 TV shows that were cancelled waaaaaaaay to soon. (Sorry Pat. Pushing Daises didn't make the cut)

Number 5: Reaper

Reaper was a comedy/fantasy/action show on the CW.  The show followed the exploits of Sam, a college dropout working a dead end job who lives with his parents.  Also, he is a bounty hunter who works for the devil, chasing and capturing souls who have escaped from hell.  This show was fun for so many reasons.  The premise itself was original and the cast was great (quite a few people told me that I reminded them of a character from Reaper named Sock.  I don’t know if that is a compliment or not).  

I don't see a resemblance at all.

There were small elements of horror and action, lots of comedy, and Michael Ian Black and Ken Marino as a couple of rebellious demons who lived on earth in human form.  Did I mention they were gay demons?  Ray Wise was a great choice to play the devil.  Always in a nice suit, always tan, always smiling.  So what happened to Reaper?  Ratings dropped about halfway through the second season, so they cancelled it.  What’s worse is that they cancelled it after the second season was done filming, so the last episode of the show ends with a giant cliffhanger that will never be resolved.  There was talk of selling the rights of the show to the Sci-Fi channel, but the two main characters decided to move on after the show was canceled so the sale fizzled.

Number 4: Dead Like Me

Oddly enough, this show is about a reaper as well.  Well, a sort of reaper.  Dead Like me is about a group of reapers who reap the souls of people who are about to die, and escort them to the afterlife.  Being a reaper has its advantages though.  You don’t age, you don’t get sick, and you heal extremely fast.  The downside is that no one can see what you really look like.  The reapers appear as different people so their loved ones don’t see them walking around.  Another downside to consider is that you have to keep reaping souls until you meet an unknown quota.  This could take a very long time, but once you reap your last soul, that person takes your place as a reaper and you move on.  The main character becomes a reaper in the first episode when a toilet seat from the Mir space station falls from the sky and hits her on the head. 

George gets hit by a space toilet.

Right off the bat, I was hooked.  I love black comedy, I love original sci-fi fantasy ideas, and I love the idea of someone being squashed by space debris and waking up to find out she is a reaper.  Unfortunately, this show was in trouble from the beginning.  The creator of the show left after only 5 episodes due to disagreements with MGM television over storyline cuts and script revisions.  The show had a descent following, but eventually ended after only 2 seasons.  They made a follow up movie to tie up loose ends, but I would have liked to see the show stick around for a while longer. 

Number 3: Clone High

MTV had a run of really good animated shows for a while: Liquid Television, Aeon Flux, Bevis and Butthead, Daria, The Maxx, Celebrity Deathmatch... They even reran episodes of Rocko's Modern Life.  In 2002, they began showing a Canadian Cartoon called Clone High that centered around a high school for... you guessed it, clones.  The clones were teenage versions of historical figures and pop culture icons i.e. Abraham Lincoln, JFK, Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, Gandhi and many others. 
The shows humor was built around historical facts, outrageous premises, and spoofs based on other teenage dramas.  Every episode of this show is comedy gold.  I am not sure why the show was canceled after only one season, but do yourself a favor and watch it.  It is always good a laugh.  Did I mention that there was a robot butler named Mr. Butlertron that called everyone Wesley?

Number 2: Firefly

I will only write a small piece on Firefly because there is nothing that I can say here that the Internet has not already said hundreds of times.  Firefly was a pseudo western set in space created by Joss Whedon.  Think of it as the ongoing adventures of Han Solo, if Han Solo was somehow cooler and swore in Cantonese.  

Just a few of Captain Mal's greatest moments.

Firefly has an excellent cast of characters, and a surprisingly deep back-story.  Firefly only ran for 14 episodes, and in that time, it gained enough attention and praise to warrant a follow up movie after the show was canceled.  This is one of the many shows that FOX has cancelled far too soon.  Of course, the greatest example of FOX cock blocking a show into the abyss will always be...

Number 1 (with a bullet): Arrested Development

As with Firefly, there is not much left to say on this show.  It was well written, beautifully brought to life by a wonderful ensemble cast, and was very well received by critics.  Here is what I think went down in the meeting where they decided to cancel Arrested Development:

DUMBASS FOX EXECUTIVE: Hey.  How is that arrested something show doing?

UNWILLING EXECUTIVE ASSISTANT: It’s doing well.  Good ratings, good reviews.  It seems like it could be a hit, sir.

DFA: What?!?  Really?  But it has nothing to do with bachelors, bachelorettes or Extreme Makeovers!  Those are the shows that seem to be making money right now!  Make that show more like those!

UEA: We can’t. It’s an intelligent, scripted comedy.  It is literally the exact opposite of those shows. 

DFA: Well fine.  Just cancel it then.  Order more episodes of The Simple Life and The Swan.  I’m going to lunch.

UEA: *Facepalm*

Seriously, this show was heralded as one of the best comedies of the 2000s. I offer for you the chicken dance compilation.  No one in the Bluth Family knows how to properly imitate a chicken...

  It was canceled due to low ratings.  The problems with securing an audience were completely FOX’s fault.  They kept changing the day and time that the show was on, making it hard for people watch the show even when they wanted to. They also kept putting it up against things like Monday Night football, or the Opening Ceremonies of the Winter Olympics.  But fear not.  Sometimes these stories have happy endings.  If you are one to believe Hollywood rumors, Arrested Development is slated for one more season and a movie.  Since no real information is available as of yet, I am not sure of any details, but most of the rumors sound like this: “All of the cast is coming back to film a 10 episode season that would lead into a movie, written by Mitchell Hurwitz (series creator and writer) and directed by Ron Howard (Opie).” 

Some of the best moments from Arrested Development

Some honorable Mentions:

Futurama/Family guy- I was sad about these shows being canceled.  If they had stayed canceled, futurama would have made it into the top 5.  Since both shows have been revived, I decided not to include them in the real list).

Lie to Me- way to go fox.  Just keep canceling all the good shows and keep beating your dead American idol horse.

Michael and Michael have issues- Michael Ian Black and Michael Showalter’s short lived shows on Comedy Central left us too early, and Comedy Central is almost as bad as FOX when it comes to canceling shows. 

IN Conclusion:  I can’t think of one person who would enjoy having something they like taken away from them.  It is even tougher to say goodbye to shows that you connect with.  It can be tough to find shows that really make you laugh or think or cry or all of those at the same time.  The good news?  We are entering a new era of entertainment.  Niche programming is becoming readily available through specialized channels and Internet entertainment sites like youtube.  Maybe some of the network executives will start realizing that even if a show has slow ratings at first, it may grow to be something great, or they might find a new outlet to showcase the show. 

Either way, Firefly deserved more that one season you stupid assholes.  

Almighty Father

I have lived near Chicago for almost all of my life.  When I was young, my family and I lived in Chicago Heights, a fairly large southern suburb of Chicago, only about 30 minutes out of the city.  As an adult, I live in Darien, a smaller suburb nestled in between several other smaller suburbs to the west of the city.  My sister currently lives on the north side, and my parents still live in Chicago Heights.  It is safe to say, that if you heard me speak, you would assume that I live in the city, due to my pronunciation of the word Sausage.  All things considered, I am a native Chicagoan in my heart, even if I don’t live in the city proper.  I am a Cubs fan, I am not a Sox fan, and I will root for “Da Bears” until my dying breath. 

Above: Bears Fan

           

Living near, but not in, Chicago has its advantages.  Barring rush hour traffic, I can get to almost anywhere in the city in about 40 minutes.  In fact, if the weather permits, driving to work in the mornings offers me an endearing view of the city skyscrapers.  It feels like the highway stretches all the way to the city, uninterrupted, and dead ends at the base of the Willis Tower (formerly known as, and hereafter referred to as, the Sears Tower).  Seeing the city’s beautiful skyline with the sun rising beside it is a wonderful way to start your mornings, and I’ve always been thankful for that. 

            

I have never wanted to live in the city proper.  I don’t think I was born with that certain something that makes people want to live in such an environment.  Please do not misunderstand that as a jab at city folk, or the city itself.  I love Chicago and all of its little intricacies, nuances, and scars.  Living near the city affords me the right to all her glories, but I have the option of coming home to my quiet, small apartment.  This does complicate things when it comes to parking, but I guess for every give there will always be a little take. 

Is this not a reasonable place to park?

            

Growing up near Chicago, you kind of get used to the idea that your backyard is one of the most amazing places in the world.  It seems easy to forget, that for a long while, we had the tallest building in the world staring down at us every morning during our commutes.  The Sears Tower has since been bested, first by the twin Patronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur, and shortly after, a handful of others.  As of now, the tallest building in the world, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai, nearly doubles the size of the Sears Tower.  The Sears Tower, although dwarfed by more recent buildings, has a special place in all of our hearts.  To us, it will always by the building by which all other are judged.

            

The uncanny ability to overlook greatness in our daily lives intrigues me.  It happened to me at a very young age, and I’m sure it has happened to you, whether you know it or not.  The city of Chicago is an amazing, wonderful place, filled with amazing architecture, beautiful art, and tremendous history... And yet, I have come to think of it as “The City”, just a place that I like to visit to see a baseball game or go out with my friends or go to the aquarium or what have you.  I seem to have forgotten that for 25 years we had the crown jewel of mans attempts to conquer the sky with brick and mortar sitting at the apex of our skyline. I can see this happening for a few reasons.

            

First, when you find yourself in the shadow of greatness, sometimes it impossible to comprehend how far that shadow reaches. As a boy, I knew that the Sears Tower was really, really tall.  It was “the big pointy one” that I would always recognize.  I couldn’t yet understand that the construction of the Sears Tower happened in a very complicated time in America.  The Sears Tower was commissioned in 1969, and was completed in 1973.  In case you have forgotten, that is just about smack dab in the middle of the War in Vietnam.  I can see now how something like having the tallest building in the world might help restore a little faith in an American’s heavy heart. As a boy, I stood in the shadow of the Sears Tower and was amazed by its height.  As a man, I can see now that the shadow cast by the building reached further than I could have ever imagined.

            

Another reason we tend to overlook greatness is simply due to availability.  It can easily be argued that it is common for people to want what they cannot have.  The same can be said in opposite: You don’t always appreciate what you have until it is gone.  After my senior year of high school, I spent some time in central Illinois as I pursued a higher education (READ: drank, and occasionally went to class). I will talk more about my sordid exploits in education later, but for now I speak only of my location.  I spent a total of 6 years in Normal, Illinois.  It was a very long time for me to be away from my family, and I missed them greatly during that time.  I also missed being close to a cultural Mecca such as Chicago.  Peoria was only a short drive down the road from my alma mater, but for all her glories (READ: there are about 2 glories in Peoria), Peoria is no Chicago.  

Pictured above: The glories of Peoria

Normal had some great restaurants, and being a college town, there were some great bars as well.  There was a record shop that I visited frequently, a mall not too far away, and a children’s museum.  It was a quaint little town, and I do miss it sometimes.  Even though I enjoyed living in Normal, my heart was always miles away in a small suburb of Chicago, sitting neatly next to my parent’s fireplace, waiting for me to come home. 

            

Casual observance of greatness can be caused by many things, and appear in many ways.  Maybe you didn’t give a second thought to the boy you knew from childhood, but now as an adult, you see him for the loving and caring man he has become.  Maybe you didn’t realize how much a family member meant to you until they passed away.  Maybe you didn’t know how much could ever miss eating a donut until you went on a diet and vowed never to eat one again.  There are thousands of ways that we as humans grow accustomed to something and it changes how we see things.  It happens everyday, and we have grown so used to it happening that it has become a self-replicating cycle.  The more it happens, the more accustomed to it we become, and we notice it even less.  All it takes to break this cycle is just one, tiny, little epiphany.  The greatness I have become accustomed to was my father.  My tiny little epiphany? The Sears Tower.  It is as simple as this: My father is one of greatest men I have even known.  I was just standing so close to him that I couldn’t see how far his shadow reached.

            

Let me step back a minute.  For those that do not know, my father is the band director at Marian Catholic High School in Chicago Heights (You can read more about him here).  He took a completely ordinary high school music program and turned it into something special.  The band at Marian is so much more than a music program to its students.  It is a home.  It is a family.  It is a place of growth and enlightenment.  They have an amazing track record in regards to awards and accomplishments, a feat not matched by any other program in the country.  They have so many trophies, that they are running out of places to put them.  But that is not important.  Not to my father, nor his students. 

Seriously.  The walls are covered in trophies.  In two different rooms.

           

The goal of the Marian band has always been to perform at your highest level, at all times.  Whether you win or lose is not important.  Perform with pride, live with honor, and practice until your feet hurt and your lips fall off (just kidding, almost).  By giving your best at all times, you can reach goals you didn’t even know you had.  I know it sounds cliché, but really it has always been about the road, not the destination.  By teaching his students to take pride in their daily efforts, my father his imparted something to his students that may not be immediately recognizable, but infinitely valuable to them.  Don’t take my word for it.  Ask any Marian band alum. 

            

I was lucky to have been a member of the Marian band, but my luck didn’t end there.  I had the good fortune of being my father’s son. His lessons were sometimes hard, and he can be very imposing at times, but I consider myself blessed to be able to call him dad.  I always knew what my dad had at Marian was special, but I had no idea how special until a couple years ago.  My life has changed greatly in the last few years, and so has my father’s.  A short list of things that have changed for me: I moved further away from my family, I became a father, I have a job that I love, and my grandfather passed away (My fathers father.  I named my son after him).

Grandpa and Charlie

All of these directly relate to my father as well, in addition to the many obstacles my father deals with on a daily basis.  Throughout all of these changes, I have grown closer to my father, and I feel like I am beginning to understand him a little better.  Actually, let me rephrase that.  He has always been a great father, an excellent leader, a loving husband, an enlightening educator, and an amazing friend.  It just took me 30 years to really understand and appreciate him. 

My father, My sister and I.  Yes, i did look awesome in cut offs.

            

As I said earlier, sometimes growing up in the company of greatness numbs your ability to gauge how good you really have it.  If you come from money, you probably do not know how it feels to wonder when your next meal will be (a bit of a depressing analogy, but you get my point).  My father has always been a towering giant of hard work and determination, a great example of how to live your life.  Everything about me that I am proud of is a direct result of my father’s influence.  I could never thank him enough for all of the gifts that he has given me, and I can think of about 5,000 students who would probably say something similar. 

Ringing in the new year, the only way the Bimm family knows how.  With Trumpets.

I'll end this with the last lines from Leonard Berstein's "Mass".  A prayer known as Almighty Father that the Marian Catholic High Shcool Band uses as a field warm up.  We only Played the music, but the words are just as important to me.

Almighty Father, incline thine ear

Bless us and all those who are gathered here

Thine angel send us

Who shall defend us all

And fill with grace

Us and all in this place

Amen.

Thank you dad.  For everything.

-J

Closing Time

Alright.  My first real post will be about album closers.  I have always enjoyed the intricacies  of putting together mixtapes, and i can only imagine the pressures artists feel when creating an album full of their own music, lyrics, and ideas. Quick sidenote: when i say artist, i mean artist.  Not a production team.  Not a producer.  Not a manager.  Not a pop star singing someone else's words.  An artist. There.  I'm glad we cleared that up.  

This may or may not be the case today, what with all the instant gratification of spotify and you tube and itunes allowing listeners to listen to just one song from an album.  When i was in high school, mp3s were still a few years away, and CDs were still the main delivery vessel for music.  Hell, even cassettes were still useful for mixtapes, bootlegs, and low income home recording.  What this meant to the listener: You may only want to hear this one song, but you have to buy an entire album to listen to it.  What this meant to the artist: NO SLACKING.  WRITE A GODDAMN ALBUM WORTH OF MUSIC.  NOW.

"The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules"- High Fidelity.  A bit of hyperbole there, but it still rings true.  If you are making a mixtape or playlist specifically with someone other than yourself as the main audience, you have to think about how the songs will speak to them as a whole.  You cant just put your most popular song right at the beginning of the album (Unless you are Reel Big Fish, then it is okay) without risking losing the listeners attention.  This, like all rules, is not always the case, but as a general rule it works pretty well.  Put your single a few tracks deep so that people have to get to it.  Start your album off strong with something upbeat, wait a little bit for your monster ballad (say about track 5 or 6), and finish up with something epic.  

I will get around to the other aspects of mixtape/playlist/album song order in a future post, because that i just too much fun not to talk about.  This post is specifically about the last track of an album.  That epic swan song before the albums fades into nothing.  I have a few favorites that i think are great examples of how to properly end an album.

First on the list: Goodbye, Sky Harbor by Jimmy Eat World from the album Clarity.
In case you haven't heard this song before: 

Not the greatest quality audio, but hey, what are ya gonna do...  Anyway, what makes this song such a great way to close out an album?  A few things.  First, the song proper (0:00-3:00) is well written, complex, emotional and heartfelt.  There are some theories on what the song is about in the Jimmy Eat world Fanbase, but the short story is that it is about leaving Sky Harbor Airport in Arizona with some allusions to the book "A Prayer for Owen Meany".  Beautiful harmonies, intertwining syncopation, all together a great song.  and then it keeps going.  for thirteen more minutes. The second thing that makes this song so epic is the extended vocal looping and overdubbing that builds and builds until it reaches maximum velocity.  The song builds, then relents, then builds again, then relents, and so on until it is not even the same song anymore.  It just keeps you listening for small changes.  Completely engrossing.  Why is this a good song to finish the album?  It takes all of the feelings of the album as a whole and gives it a proper send off.  Clarity is by far one of Jimmy Eat World's best albums, and this song damn near wraps it with a bow and writes your name on it.  Musical catharsis.  


Next up: Theme Song/Play Doh by The Aquabats from the album Fury of the Aquabats

First video-Theme song  Second Video-Play Doh

The Aquabats are a ska/new wave band fronted by the guy who created Yo Gabba Gabba.  Seriously.  Also, Travis Barker played drums on this album, so they got that going for them.On the record, there is also a secret track that kicks in after about a few minutea of silenceafter "Theme Song" ends.  It is a re-recorded version of one of their first songs called "PlayDoh".  

For my purposes here, i am counting these songs as one.  I will explain why momentarily.  
After an album full of songs about fried chicken, super powers, martian girls, powdered milk man, a two headed cat, skateboarding, snakes, and lobsters, this song sums up what the entire album was trying to say the whole time: We are a lot of fun, and we write silly songs. The song almost serves as a pitch for a saturday morning cartoon show staring the band.  Coincidentally, years later, this happened:

"Play Doh" was a song from the first Aquabats album.  The re-recorded version is a much better quality than the first version, and the band as a whole has a more rounded-out sound.  "Play Doh" is about losing your inocence as you grow older.  It is a love song to the carefree days of our youth that seem so far away sometimes.  It is an excelent counterpoint to the point made by "Theme Song".  These two songs sum up everything about the Aquabats in about 7 minutes.  


Next Up: Redemption Song by Bob Marley and the Wailers from the album Uprising

Uprising was the last studio album released while Bob Marley was still alive.  I may not share his views on religion, but this song still carries an important message: Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.  The song talks about fears that you might have, and how letting go of those fears and trusing that everything will work out is the only way to truley be free.  It is a simple song, written from a place of humility and grace.  Redemption Song was not only the finale of the album, it was the final song that he gave this world.


Last one (for now): Only in Dreams by Weezer from Weezer (The Blue Album)

I first heard this album when i was in 7th grade.  It changed my life. This next bit may be lost on a few people, but when i was growing up, buying my own albums was a big deal.  I either had to save up fro weeks to buy one, or i had to convince my mom to buy it for me (a task easier said than done).  This was one of the first albums that i bought myself, so it will always have a special place in my heart.  I was not one of the most popular kids in grade school (who am i kidding, i was a goddamn pariah) and i really connected with the music on this album because it sounded like a social outcast wrote it (Rivers Cuomo is in fact, a social outcast).  The song only in dreams served as a template for how all albums should end: emotionally, truthfully, and with bitchin guitar solos.  The song mirrored how i felt about everything that i wanted, but could never have (This included: a girlfriend, acceptence, friendship, not getting picked on in class, etc.).  It features many of the things that i like about Goodbye Sky Harbor (bulding and relenting, heartfelt lyrics, excellent songwriting), so i won't revisit those in depth here.  What really makes this song stand out to me is how perfect it made the album.  The album had upbeat songs, ballads, flat out pop songs, college rock, geek rock, and songs about loss.  It is a complete package.  Not many bands can pull of an entire song about wanting to hang out in their garage with their action figures and kiss records.  Only In Dreams really showcased the bands ability to craft a perfect song for the perfect moment, something they have been trying to recreate for years.

Honerable mentions:
Knights of Cydonia/ Muse/ Black Holes and Revalations
Freedom/ Rage Against the Machine/ Rage against the Machine
The whole second half of Abbey Road/ The Beatles
Third eye/ Tool/ Aenima
If it Means a lot to you/ A Day To Remember/ Homesick
Anthem/ Blink 182/ Enema of the State

In closing: A lot of thought can go into where songs go on your playlist/mixtape/album, but to really end your album right, go out with an epic emotional rollercoaster with some bitchin guitar solos, and you should do just fine. Or you can sing  about Play Doh.  That works too.

EDIT: After publishing this, i realized that a few of the videos do not work on mobile devices.  Sorry.  Also, I thought of a bunch of good examples, but i will not list them all here as it would get downright silly if i started adding them as i thought of them.  i will mention only a few more. 
Eden/ Tesseract/ One
Sex Tapes/ Protest the Hero/ Scurrilous 
Scavenger Type/ NOFX/ Punk in Drublic
Natural Anthem/ Postal Service/ Give Up

That is all.  
-J.

I have decided to start a blog.  And this is it.