Although I tend to talk a lot, I only seem to really be able to get my own thoughts straight when I write them down.  It used to be a few sentences at a time in my notebooks in high school, then a few paragraphs at a time in a journal for a few years, and then bam... social media.  I had an online blog, a myspace account, facebook, and a severely underused twitter.

Luckily, these small scribblings have just been silly ideas, jokes, theories, and general tom-foolery most of the time.  It's actually rare for me to pour feelings onto the pages of my various outlets.  Sadly, this is going to be one of those posts.  My grandma passed away recently and I have had a hard time dealing with some of the aspects of my life with her. 

Growing up, i only had three grandparents; My father's parents, and my mother's mother.  My mother's father passed away before i was born.  My actual knowledge of my grandma's life before i was around is criminally short.  I know that she played the trumpet.  I know that she grew up in a big family during the depression.  I know that she raised two daughters, three granddaughters, and one grandson.  I know that she spent the last two decades of her life slowing loosing every piece of her personality, memory, and faculties.  I know that she died quietly, shortly after breakfast last month.  

My grandmother and I had problems.  She had no idea how to raise a boy, let alone a terrible, rambunctious, bratty asshole like me.  Granted, I was a handful, but she was also disproportionally strict and stubborn with me.  My sister got a pass, and i got punished.  Always.  It was rough.  Now, i don't want to make her seem like the enemy here.  That is not my point.  I am trying to understand how things ended up the way they are today, and i can only do so by looking back as clearly as possible.  

After I started high school, I saw less of my grandma.  It wasn't because we fought, or were avoiding each other.  I was just busier.  During those four years, my grandma began to change.  It was little things at first, things that seemed funny at the time (and honestly, still funny now).  Then it was bigger things.  Then it was obvious that she could no longer take care of herself.  She had to move in with my parents.  This happened just as i left for school the first time.  I moved out, she moved in.  She lived with my parents for about 7 years. After I left school (the first time - my educational history is a post all of its own) and moved back home, i got to see first hand the stress and emotional pain the situation was causing.  Grandma was not doing well, there was little help from my mother's sister (or if I'm being brutally honest, absolutely none).  My mother was tasked with taking care of my grandmother's every need for seven years, and i say this with no malice or ill will, it was very trying. It was a hard time for my mom, and I'm sorry that i couldn't help more.

After years of taking care of grandma, we finally decided that a care facility was the best option, not only for my grandma's well being, but the sanity of the family.  I am not try to sound callous, but taking care of a family member in that condition is draining.  It is constant, hard, emotional work.  My grandma's move to a home was good for everyone involved.  It was really hard for my mom to let go.  I know she felt at the time like she was "giving up" and that she could have done more, but honestly, she couldn't have.  

Fast forward a few years.  Gram had been in the home for another 7 years.  I visited very infrequently.  Her home was two hours away, and frankly, I cannot stand old folks homes.  It's always been something that makes me... uncomfortable is the best word.  Some people don't like spiders.  I don't like old folks homes (or hospitals for that matter).

Her condition worsened over time, and she ended up in hospice care.  She had problems even getting up to eat food.  The moments of lucidity came more infrequently, and she just began to fade in a more physical way than she previously had.  And that was it.  She just slipped away.

He services were held off for a short time because my aunt was in Africa and could not make it home right away.  We had a few weeks to grieve before we laid her ashes in the plot next to her husbands.  I have written this post on and off over the weeks since my grandmothers death.  I think what made this so hard for me was the idea of never getting to square things up... I never got to apologize, she never got a chance to defend herself from my one-sided view of our relationship, and I never got to tell her i loved her one last time.

I guess that just speaks to our fragile existences.  Everything can end so quickly.  Anything can change overnight.  Anyone can leave you forever in the blink of an eye.  I'm not trying to preach, or change anyone's minds, or say anything that hasn't already been said.  I just have to deal with the fact that I missed my chance to let grandma know that she was important to me, even though our relationship was rocky at times.  So i guess i can take that lesson with me.  Never let fear, emotions, or anger decide your actions for you.  Always act with compassion, bravery, and honesty.

-j
written 6/5/2014 to 7/2/2014

Anita Helen Moore

3/20/1923 - 6/2/2014

A year and a half later, nicotine cessession, and a ketchup robot

I quit updating my blog about a year and a half ago because I was stretching myself pretty thin between work, my other work, and raising a son.  I was pretty drained from putting in overtime at the repair shop (my job), writing and researching trivia (my other job), and making sure all of my possessions didn't catch on fire somehow (raising my son).  But excuses are dumb, i have more time now, so I'm back.  I had been thinking about starting writing again, but it took a random message from a friend to get me back on the horse (thanks Jack!).

So what did I get done in my year and a half off?  Well, I read a lot of books.  I watched a lot of TV.  I played a lot of video games.  I wrote a lot of trivia.  I fixed a lot of instruments.  and...

I quit smoking.

I have been wanting to quit for a long time.  Having Charlie in my life helped me really get focused on actually quitting.  The good folks at Cignot (an electronic cigarette specialty store) set me up with a good vaporizer to help with the nicotine cravings.  It has been about 4 months without a cigarette and i have already stepped down twice on the strength of nicotine in my liquid (i will go into more depth about e-cigarette culture later).  I feel fantastic.  i am definitely not where i would be if i never started smoking in the first place, but i am a far cry better than i was six months ago.

So thats about it.  I worked, I tried to keep up with Charlie, I quit smoking.  That's about all you missed.  Well, those things, and a Ketchup robot, dispensing ketchup to the 20th Century Fox theme played on an Recorder (It says flute in the description, but i know the sound of a recorder when i hear it)

Hope your year and a half was as good as mine.  

-J

Video games and head colds ruin my life

Over these last few weeks, three of the most highly anticipated games of this year came out. Assassins Creed III, Halo 4, and Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 were released one week apart from each other starting three weeks ago. Needless to say, my video game playing has been at a high this month, and it is probably more than I have played all year.

These games are very, very good. And at the same time, they are very, very bad. Combine all the video gaming with my normal load of work, cleaning the house, playing with my son and writing and my schedule gets really full, really fast. I have not sacrificed any of my other time spent to make up for the gaming I have been doing, and that adds up to one thing: very tired Jeff. Even more so than regular wiped out dad Jeff.

That speaks volumes for how good those games are (or how badly I am addicted to video games). I can handle being tired. I complain a lot, but in I
still get my shit done. What I can't handle are goddamn head colds. I hate feeling stuffy and congested when I wake up in the morning. I hate sitting at my desk trying not to sneeze and stab myself with a screwdriver (not as random as it sounds. I work in a repair shop).

So, now I have my yearly winter head cold. I am super psyched that it has now become a tradition in the winter months for my face to rebel against me and fill itself up with god knows what until I can't breathe. The only thing good about it is that (hopefully) I will get it out of the way early and it won't come back until next summer.

To sum up: really good video games have made me sleepier than normal, and now I have a head cold that is making it hard for me to relax because I can't breathe. FML. What i need is a good long weekend to recover. Maybe I can take some time to finish of a few pieces that I started writing a while ago... but then again, Black Ops 2 multiplayer waits for no man.

Noisy but nice neighbors

So a little less than a month ago, we got new neighbors directly below us. They seem to be pretty well mannered during the day time, but occasionally on the weekends they get a little rowdy. Tonight was the first time that I ever had to ask anyone else to "please keep it down".

Usually, I don't mind loud bodies coming from neighbors. Sometimes, repetitive, loud music can get a little annoying, but usually I am pretty laid back. Tonight, they were participating in a particularly loud game of "never have I ever" on their balcony. Their balcony is about ten feet from my sons window. Charlie woke up and decided he wanted to hang out with all the other loud people, demonstrated by the fact that he himself, started to scream. This did not make me happy.

I decided to take a rational approach (asking nicely) rather than what I felt like doing (yelling at them to shit the fuck up). I remember how it was to be young, intoxicated, and loud. I know how shitty it feels to be yelled at for having a good time. So mustering up all my upstairs neighbor courage, I stuck my head over my balcony and asked them nicely if they wouldn't mind keeping it down while they were on their balcony.

Surprisingly, my requests were met with kindness and understanding. Everyone complied and went back in Then I heard this exchange as they were going inside:
Guy who lives there, but was not out on the porch- what was that?
People from outside- the guy upstairs asked us to keep it down.
Guy who lives there- his name is Jeff. He's cool. He has a baby.
Everyone else- *aaaawwwww* (as in aaaawwwww that's cute, not aaaawwwww that's annoying)
Followed by a few different people saying "sorry Jeff"

Now, maybe a simple act of respect to an upstairs neighbor from a bunch of kids shouldn't stand out so much, and maybe I think to little of people a decade younger than me, but I am really glad that my downstairs neighbors seem to be pretty cool people. They didn't whine. They haven't complained. They were just really laid back. Good job, neighbors. I think I'll buy you a Christmas present. Maybe some ping pong balls for your beer pong table.

Sometimes it's the little things in life that restore your faith in humanity, even if you had to ask them to do it quietly so they didn't wake your son.

Top 5 Episode V: Deleted, but not forgotten

Deleting a scene from a movie can serve many purposes: cutting down run time, streamlining the plot, removing unnecessary filler, and appeasing the censors.  Directors and editors have been chopping up their work for years, and sharing the scraps with us in the form of bonus content on special edition DVDs/BLU-Rays.   Not often, but every once in a while, something so great/crazy/amazing/completely bonkers gets cut out and almost forgotten.  Fear not.  I have watched many many many many movies, and i know of a few gems that were left on the cutting room floor.  for example...

Number 5: The Goonies fight a giant Octopus...with music

You may have seen this before.  When they show "The Goonies" on TV, they add this scene for time reasons.  I was taken back the first time i saw this.  I remember watching "The Goonies" all the time growing up, and i could not for the life of me remember this ever happening.  After they slide down the inexplicable water slides built into a pirate cave, they land in a quiet lagoon and see One-Eyed-Willy's ship for the first time.  As they wade through the lagoon, a giant octopus attacks them by letting them thrash around in the water while holding it's lifeless tentacles (alright, I'm not here to make fun of the terrible effects.  I'll move on).  Data, being the quick thinker that he is, stuffs his walkman (for those of you young enough not to know what a walkman is, it is an ancient device used to listen to cassette tapes, and equally ancient device used to store music files in analog format i.e. "tape") into the octpus' mouth.  Then the octopus dances away.  It freaking dances away.  this is literally the first large meal that this poor trapped creature has had in centuries, and it dances the fuck away from it.  To the tune of "Eight Arms To Hold You" by the Goon Squad (I see what they did there!).


Number 4: Carl Spackler makes a guest appearance in Ghostbusters

Warning: No matter what the video tells you, this is not very funny

I have no real idea why this scene would have been in the script in the first place.  That is, I had no real idea, until i found out that the original script for "The Blues Brothers" was the size of a phone book (for those of you young enough not to know what a phone book is, it is like if someone printed out a large chunk of the Internet for you to use to make phone calls).  I guess Dan Akroyd likes to flush out every single scene with context and speaking lines, even if it is just Louis Tully running past some bums as he is being chased by a giant demonic rat dog.  

Number 3: Why the face?

Yeah.  That was Arnie with a southern accent.  Wonderful job on the ADR there, guys.  They should have left this scene in the movie, if only to reinforce it's status as a comedy.  After seeing this, i realized that I liked this scene much more than the rest of the movie, and now I only watch this scene, and pretend that the rest of the movie was cut instead.  

Number 2: Ace Ventura fights a couple thugs...with music

Shortly after the "Is that the red, or the white" clam chowder scene, Ace has to escape from his pursuers at a death metal show.  In order to keep the crowd moving, and thus, physically battering his enemies for him, he begins to sing (read: growl).  He then goes into a bunch of different stage moves: The "pull my mouth open" made famous by no one ever, the "fall on the ground and flop like a fish" made famous by the theme song to spongebob squarepants, and the "weird crotch dance" made famous by Axl rose/Scott Weiland (honestly, he pulls that one off pretty well).  He then states that he has a date with everyones mothers.  Obviously, the writers of this scene have been to many, many death metal shows, because this is exactly what happens at all of them.  

Number 1, With a Bullet: All of the star was.  all of it.

Greedo needs target practice.

Seriously.  George Lucas has butt humped this once amazing story into the ground with his unnecessary changes and pointless prequels.  I get it.  You didn't have the technology to do everything that you wanted to in the originals.  Greedo could have easily shot first in the originals.  There was no lack of technology that made you change that. 

Comedian Patton Oswalt has a bit about the prequels that i whole-heartedly stand by.  Couldn't have said it better. In order for me to watch the Star Wars that i remember from my childhood, i would have to find a VCR (For those of you young enough.... you know what? Nevermind) and find my old VHS tapes of the original, unedited trilogy.  I know that this whole post is about deleted scenes, and this really does not apply to the entire series, but i wanted to get to that before i got to this:

This scene was from Episode IV.  That fat Scottish dude is Jabba the Hut. I like to think that in the time between Episodes IV and VI, Jabba Just really let himself go.  I guess it is only fair to mention that, according to Lucas, this scene was shot only as a place holder for the large, wormlike Jabba that we know today.   Yeah, whatever you say, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy lookin nerf herder.  A pox on your house, Lucas.  Oh, you want to re-re-re-re-release all of the films, re edited in Digital 3-D?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

-J.

The end of a season, some time off, and minecraft

I host (or more correctly, hosted) a trivia night at Granite City food and brewery. One of the things that I love about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. One of the things that I hate about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. It is a grueling task, but at the same time, it is very fulfilling.

I have been hosting trivia for a few months, and this most recent trivia season has officially come to and end. I find myself with a little extra time on my hands, but I am not complaining. The hardest part about writing the questions for trivia is the sheer volume of questions and answers that you have to compile and keep organized.
This means: coming up with a fun topic, deciding what you want the specific questions to be, writing them so they are easily read and easily understood, remembering what topics you have already covered, making sure not to cover the same topics and questions, and of course, double checking your work to make sure that you are not wrong or working from incorrect source material. Needless to say, this can be pretty taxing. I am sad to see the trivia season come to an end, but the prospect of more free time at night helps balance that out.

What does this mean to my thousands and thousands (ha) or readers? More frequent blogging! ...and there was much rejoicing. Yay. (I don't have video publishing on my blogger app, but when I get to my lap top, I will add that video from Holy Grail)

(See.  I told you I would.)

More frequent blogging you say? Yes. Unless I get sucked into another 8 hour minecraft session. Minecraft is an amazing game for two reasons. First, it is amazingly simple and unbelievably complex at the same time, and second, it is very easy to lose track of time and just keep mining and building. These are the makings of a fantastic game. It has been around for quite some time now, and I am still not tired of it.

That is all for now. I have a couple of fun topics planned for some future top five blogs, and all suggestions are welcome. If you have a good top five (or even a bad top five, but an overwhelming urge that compels you to insist that I write about it) feel free to comment on this page or suggest them on my Facebook wall. And as for me and the rest of my night, I sense a massive overhaul of my minecraft world.

-J.

Woot.

Ugh.  I am freaking pooped.  It's only three days into the work week and i am exhausted.  For those of you who do not know, i work in a repair shop.  We repair and refurbish musical instruments.  I work in the woodwind department.  I mostly work on flutes, clarinets, and the occasional saxophone and oboe.  We fix dents, replace faulty pads, make sure all the adjustments are correct, and other miscellaneous jobs that need to be done here and there.  the sheer volume of instruments that go through the shop is astounding.  Not only do we take care of all of the instruments that the company rents, but we also take care of customer owned horns as well.  It is a lot of work, and it is exhausting.  

So i have decided that i am going to take a mini vacation this weekend.  Starting Friday, i am going to spend the entire weekend relaxing.  Here are a few of the things i am going to do this weekend:

- Minecraft.  If the new creative mode update for the xbox edition of minecraft is released, i will be spending quite a bit of time playing a game that is essentially an 8 bit digital lego kit.

- If Minecraft does not update, I am going to rent/buy dishonored.  That game looks fun as well.  

- Hopefully, i will get a chance to go to the movies.  I would really like to go see Looper.  I have heard that it is really good, and i haven't been to the movies in a while.

-Here is the big one... Victor Wooten is going to be performing at the Elgin Community College this Saturday.  Ef yes.  If you do not know who Victor Wooten is, allow me to enlighten you.

That video was taken from a Béla Fleck and The Flecktones concert.  Just for fun, in the middle of a live show with one of the most talent heavy bands on the planet, he decides to play a six minute solo with bits of his more famous pieces (Classical thump and Amazing Grace) thrown in for fun.  This guy is one of, if not the best bass players that has ever lived.
And he is performing in Elgin.  On one of my days off.  Shit yeah. 

The entire Wooten family are musical geniuses.  Here is his brother, Roy "Future man" Wooten

And here is his brother Regi (the Teacher) Wooten playing slap guitar in a solo battle versus Victor.

And here is a video of Rudy Wooten playing a sax solo.    With two saxophones.  I guess that makes it a soli.  And the dancing hippy doesn't even phase him.

And last but not least, here is Joseph Wooten, ripping a keyboard solo.  (P.S. for fun, Joseph also is the Keyboard player in the Steve Miller Band.)

I really wish the entire Wooten Brothers band was going to be there, but i will be happy enough to go see Victor.  

So, in summation, i need a break.  So this weekend, i am taking one.  Anyone who is interested in going to see Victor Wooten on Saturday the 13th, tickets are only $32.  let me know if you feel like going.

-J.