Migraines, the farting guy at work, and borderlands 2

Part 1:Headaches and talkative assholes.

Normally, migraines are not a problem for me.  By that i mean i don't usually get them, not that they don't affect me.  Today i had one that has lasted almost 6 hours.  It is finally starting to subside, but it has made my day pretty miserable.  I have never had a migraine that has stuck around for as long as this one, although the intensity of this particular headache was slightly less than the others that i have experienced.  Compounding the throbbing pain in my head was the constant sound of farts from the desk next to me.  So i had that going for me as well.

I should explain.  The gentleman who works directly across the aisle from me has a very outspoken colon.  I used to keep track of how many times a day he would blast one off, but i got bored of counting, and i grew cautious that he would find my (pages and pages) of hash marks and be embarrassed.  What makes this so awkward for everyone around him at work, is his refusal to acknowledge the constant cheese cutting.  For those of you unfamiliar with proper flatus procedure i will outline it for you now.

If you crack one off in public, your surroundings should tell you how to deal with it:

1. Surrounded by a group of close friends, no love interests- You could claim it as your own and make light of it, or brag about how loud it was.  You can also politely excuse yourself.  The main point here is to own up to it. Everyone heard it, and it's better to make light of the situation rather than be ashamed.  

2. Surrounded by acquaintances/co workers/ classmates- Again, if it is obvious that you just let one go, you need to at least acknowledge that it was you in a way that you are comfortable with.  Humor will always be the best, but a polite excuse me will always be okay around most people.

3. Surrounded by complete strangers that you will never see again-  Don't say anything, but look at the closest guy and make the "did you just hear that guy airbrush his boxers?" face. It may not work, but who cares, as you will never see those people again.

4. Around a romantic interest who has never heard you fart before- That sucks.  The person that you like just realized that, in fact, your digestive system does have uncouth side effects, just like every other human on the planet.  I think Wayne Campbell said it best.  "If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be."  He was talking about throwing up, but the point is valid.

5. Around a romantic interest who has heard you fart many times- Pull the covers over both of you and don't let them out.  This is called a dutch oven, and it is one the greatest signs of affection that a man can give.

6.  Around your sibling- If you have a brother, farting as close to them, if not right on their face, is absolutely appropriate.  Maybe not in public.

Alright, enough fart humor.  The point i am trying to make is that, no matter what, if you obviously just farted loudly for anyone to hear, you should acknowledge it so that people around you don't think that you are just letting them rip. This courtesy is not taken by the guy who sits next to me.  He just let's them rip.  Now, things could be worse.  I could be close enough to experience the flatulence in an aromatic way, but thankfully, i am far enough away that it is strictly a noise violation. 

"How does this make your migraine worse?" you might ask.  Well, traditionally, i have followed suit with the farting guy and tried not to publicly acknowledge his butt trumpeting.  All of the people around me at work have slipped each other knowing glances and laughed quietly to ourselves, but no verbal acknowledgement has occurred.  I do have to stifle a laugh now and then if he lets a loud one out, though.  Today, it sounded like he had a goddamn orchestra playing the 1812 overture in his pants (Hyperbole, i know, but man, he was loud today).  I spent the entire afternoon trying to ignore the throbbing in my head, while simultaneously, trying to stifle laughter.  This only made the pressure in my head worse.  It was the exact opposite of "laughter is the best medicine".  Every time he let one go, it made me want to laugh harder, and that made my head hurt more.  

Sometimes i wish that i was more sophisticated, so that farts wouldn't make me laugh, but who would want to live in a world like that.  Not me.  

Part 2: Borderlands 2.

I got Borderlands 2 this Tuesday afternoon.  It is funny, challenging, well designed, and very entertaining.  It is a great game, and i am terribly addicted to it.  It is taking quite a bit of self restraint to keep me away from the xbox as i type...  Self restraint that i don't seem to have at the moment. Remember one post back when i said that i would try to write something each day until borderlands 2 consumed my life?  Yeah, the first step is always admitting that you have a problem.  

-J.

P.S. If for some reason you are offended by potty humor, i apologize for the (approximately) 18 references to flatus in this post.  

P.P.S. I made it through this whole post without using the phrase "Crop Dust".  (19)

EDIT: I would like to clarify one thing.  I am not trying to pick on the farting guy.  I really want to be clear on that.  i am only poking fun at his excessively loud farts and his refusal to acknowledge them.  He is generally an okay guy, he just farts a lot.