Top 5 Episode V: Deleted, but not forgotten

Deleting a scene from a movie can serve many purposes: cutting down run time, streamlining the plot, removing unnecessary filler, and appeasing the censors.  Directors and editors have been chopping up their work for years, and sharing the scraps with us in the form of bonus content on special edition DVDs/BLU-Rays.   Not often, but every once in a while, something so great/crazy/amazing/completely bonkers gets cut out and almost forgotten.  Fear not.  I have watched many many many many movies, and i know of a few gems that were left on the cutting room floor.  for example...

Number 5: The Goonies fight a giant Octopus...with music

You may have seen this before.  When they show "The Goonies" on TV, they add this scene for time reasons.  I was taken back the first time i saw this.  I remember watching "The Goonies" all the time growing up, and i could not for the life of me remember this ever happening.  After they slide down the inexplicable water slides built into a pirate cave, they land in a quiet lagoon and see One-Eyed-Willy's ship for the first time.  As they wade through the lagoon, a giant octopus attacks them by letting them thrash around in the water while holding it's lifeless tentacles (alright, I'm not here to make fun of the terrible effects.  I'll move on).  Data, being the quick thinker that he is, stuffs his walkman (for those of you young enough not to know what a walkman is, it is an ancient device used to listen to cassette tapes, and equally ancient device used to store music files in analog format i.e. "tape") into the octpus' mouth.  Then the octopus dances away.  It freaking dances away.  this is literally the first large meal that this poor trapped creature has had in centuries, and it dances the fuck away from it.  To the tune of "Eight Arms To Hold You" by the Goon Squad (I see what they did there!).


Number 4: Carl Spackler makes a guest appearance in Ghostbusters

Warning: No matter what the video tells you, this is not very funny

I have no real idea why this scene would have been in the script in the first place.  That is, I had no real idea, until i found out that the original script for "The Blues Brothers" was the size of a phone book (for those of you young enough not to know what a phone book is, it is like if someone printed out a large chunk of the Internet for you to use to make phone calls).  I guess Dan Akroyd likes to flush out every single scene with context and speaking lines, even if it is just Louis Tully running past some bums as he is being chased by a giant demonic rat dog.  

Number 3: Why the face?

Yeah.  That was Arnie with a southern accent.  Wonderful job on the ADR there, guys.  They should have left this scene in the movie, if only to reinforce it's status as a comedy.  After seeing this, i realized that I liked this scene much more than the rest of the movie, and now I only watch this scene, and pretend that the rest of the movie was cut instead.  

Number 2: Ace Ventura fights a couple thugs...with music

Shortly after the "Is that the red, or the white" clam chowder scene, Ace has to escape from his pursuers at a death metal show.  In order to keep the crowd moving, and thus, physically battering his enemies for him, he begins to sing (read: growl).  He then goes into a bunch of different stage moves: The "pull my mouth open" made famous by no one ever, the "fall on the ground and flop like a fish" made famous by the theme song to spongebob squarepants, and the "weird crotch dance" made famous by Axl rose/Scott Weiland (honestly, he pulls that one off pretty well).  He then states that he has a date with everyones mothers.  Obviously, the writers of this scene have been to many, many death metal shows, because this is exactly what happens at all of them.  

Number 1, With a Bullet: All of the star was.  all of it.

Greedo needs target practice.

Seriously.  George Lucas has butt humped this once amazing story into the ground with his unnecessary changes and pointless prequels.  I get it.  You didn't have the technology to do everything that you wanted to in the originals.  Greedo could have easily shot first in the originals.  There was no lack of technology that made you change that. 

Comedian Patton Oswalt has a bit about the prequels that i whole-heartedly stand by.  Couldn't have said it better. In order for me to watch the Star Wars that i remember from my childhood, i would have to find a VCR (For those of you young enough.... you know what? Nevermind) and find my old VHS tapes of the original, unedited trilogy.  I know that this whole post is about deleted scenes, and this really does not apply to the entire series, but i wanted to get to that before i got to this:

This scene was from Episode IV.  That fat Scottish dude is Jabba the Hut. I like to think that in the time between Episodes IV and VI, Jabba Just really let himself go.  I guess it is only fair to mention that, according to Lucas, this scene was shot only as a place holder for the large, wormlike Jabba that we know today.   Yeah, whatever you say, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy lookin nerf herder.  A pox on your house, Lucas.  Oh, you want to re-re-re-re-release all of the films, re edited in Digital 3-D?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

-J.

The end of a season, some time off, and minecraft

I host (or more correctly, hosted) a trivia night at Granite City food and brewery. One of the things that I love about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. One of the things that I hate about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. It is a grueling task, but at the same time, it is very fulfilling.

I have been hosting trivia for a few months, and this most recent trivia season has officially come to and end. I find myself with a little extra time on my hands, but I am not complaining. The hardest part about writing the questions for trivia is the sheer volume of questions and answers that you have to compile and keep organized.
This means: coming up with a fun topic, deciding what you want the specific questions to be, writing them so they are easily read and easily understood, remembering what topics you have already covered, making sure not to cover the same topics and questions, and of course, double checking your work to make sure that you are not wrong or working from incorrect source material. Needless to say, this can be pretty taxing. I am sad to see the trivia season come to an end, but the prospect of more free time at night helps balance that out.

What does this mean to my thousands and thousands (ha) or readers? More frequent blogging! ...and there was much rejoicing. Yay. (I don't have video publishing on my blogger app, but when I get to my lap top, I will add that video from Holy Grail)

(See.  I told you I would.)

More frequent blogging you say? Yes. Unless I get sucked into another 8 hour minecraft session. Minecraft is an amazing game for two reasons. First, it is amazingly simple and unbelievably complex at the same time, and second, it is very easy to lose track of time and just keep mining and building. These are the makings of a fantastic game. It has been around for quite some time now, and I am still not tired of it.

That is all for now. I have a couple of fun topics planned for some future top five blogs, and all suggestions are welcome. If you have a good top five (or even a bad top five, but an overwhelming urge that compels you to insist that I write about it) feel free to comment on this page or suggest them on my Facebook wall. And as for me and the rest of my night, I sense a massive overhaul of my minecraft world.

-J.

Woot.

Ugh.  I am freaking pooped.  It's only three days into the work week and i am exhausted.  For those of you who do not know, i work in a repair shop.  We repair and refurbish musical instruments.  I work in the woodwind department.  I mostly work on flutes, clarinets, and the occasional saxophone and oboe.  We fix dents, replace faulty pads, make sure all the adjustments are correct, and other miscellaneous jobs that need to be done here and there.  the sheer volume of instruments that go through the shop is astounding.  Not only do we take care of all of the instruments that the company rents, but we also take care of customer owned horns as well.  It is a lot of work, and it is exhausting.  

So i have decided that i am going to take a mini vacation this weekend.  Starting Friday, i am going to spend the entire weekend relaxing.  Here are a few of the things i am going to do this weekend:

- Minecraft.  If the new creative mode update for the xbox edition of minecraft is released, i will be spending quite a bit of time playing a game that is essentially an 8 bit digital lego kit.

- If Minecraft does not update, I am going to rent/buy dishonored.  That game looks fun as well.  

- Hopefully, i will get a chance to go to the movies.  I would really like to go see Looper.  I have heard that it is really good, and i haven't been to the movies in a while.

-Here is the big one... Victor Wooten is going to be performing at the Elgin Community College this Saturday.  Ef yes.  If you do not know who Victor Wooten is, allow me to enlighten you.

That video was taken from a Béla Fleck and The Flecktones concert.  Just for fun, in the middle of a live show with one of the most talent heavy bands on the planet, he decides to play a six minute solo with bits of his more famous pieces (Classical thump and Amazing Grace) thrown in for fun.  This guy is one of, if not the best bass players that has ever lived.
And he is performing in Elgin.  On one of my days off.  Shit yeah. 

The entire Wooten family are musical geniuses.  Here is his brother, Roy "Future man" Wooten

And here is his brother Regi (the Teacher) Wooten playing slap guitar in a solo battle versus Victor.

And here is a video of Rudy Wooten playing a sax solo.    With two saxophones.  I guess that makes it a soli.  And the dancing hippy doesn't even phase him.

And last but not least, here is Joseph Wooten, ripping a keyboard solo.  (P.S. for fun, Joseph also is the Keyboard player in the Steve Miller Band.)

I really wish the entire Wooten Brothers band was going to be there, but i will be happy enough to go see Victor.  

So, in summation, i need a break.  So this weekend, i am taking one.  Anyone who is interested in going to see Victor Wooten on Saturday the 13th, tickets are only $32.  let me know if you feel like going.

-J.

Dunkin Donuts: A microcosm of douchbags

Every morning before work, i stop into a Dunkin Donuts for a coffee.  The morning shift knows me now, and they don't even ask what i want anymore.  I like that.  It is even to the point where if there is a line, they will make my coffee before i even get to the register so that my wait is even shorter.  My whole trip (parking, going in, paying, leaving) takes about 90 seconds if there is no line.  

But every now and then, every douchebag within a 5 mile radius decides that they want to go to my Dunkin Donuts and make my morning as shitty as possible.  Here is just a taste of the many varieties of douchebaggery that occurs.


-The "I am going to park any damn way i please" lady. 
There has been at least 5 different occasions where i have run into a specific lady outside of Dunkin Donuts.  She drives a white Lexus SUV type thing, and just parks her car wherever the shit she feels like, including but not limited to: 
-directly next to my driver side door, making it impossible to get in or out
-directly on the curb in front of the store, almost blocking the door
-completely over the line because she is bad at parking (accident)
-diagonally across 2 different spots because she is a pretentious bitch (on purpose)
She also drives like a crazy person, paying no attention to pedestrians, other cars, small children, pets, etc.  She goes the wrong way down one way parking aisles.  She completely disregards the aisles completely and makes up her own way out of the lot.  She ignores stop signs.  All while talking on her phone and holding a cup of coffee.  She is the living embodiment of a reckless, entitled, stereotypical woman driver.  (note: i do not think all women are bad drivers, but goddamn, she is giving you guys a bad name.)  Seriously lady, don't suck so hard at driving, if only to save the time it takes  clean all of the children  out of your cars grill.

-The "i am too busy to hold a door for anyone" guy
This actually applies to a few gentlemen.  Seriously, hold a door sometime you worthless pricks.  It's a simple gesture of courtesy that cost you NOTHING except a few seconds of your time.  I could understand a guy not holding a door for me, say, if he was super homophobic, and thought that holding a door for me was equivalent to him saying that he wanted to take me on a date.  I can understand a man or woman with their hands full not being able to hold the door.  I can understand a frail old woman not holding the door due to her being old.  But c'mon dude... if you let that door close in my face one more time, i am going to smack the coffee out of your hand and eat your donuts.  Don't be a dick.

-The "i don't understand how lines work" guy
Again, this applies to a few perpetrators.  First up is the guy who tries to weasel his way into line in front of other people while acting like he didn't know the line curved around and came back towards the door.  He has tried this twice he gets away with it because no one wants to call him out on his dickish ways.  See, most people are not, in fact, dicks.  They do not want to yell at a guy who has simply made a mistake.  
The next guy is the smart ass who takes cutting in line to professional levels.  At my Dunkin Donuts, there are two registers and one line, and they ask for the next person in line.  There is a guy who comes in and immediately goes to stand behind the person on the left register, like everyone else in line was just waiting for the other register, and he was the only person to realize that there were two registers open.  What a fucker.  This also causes what i like to call "plausible asshole syndrome".  Instead of rising up as a unit and slaying the douchebag like we should, everyone else decides "yeah, instead of waiting patiently, lets all fight over these two lines."  Since that guy got to be dick, everyone else decides that they will too.  What a complete asshole.  

Then there are a few odds and end people that just piss me off in general:
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm important" guy
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm popular" girl
- The "take fucking forever to decide on what donuts you want in your half dozen" lady
- The "I'm going to pay in pennies for my sandwich" lady
- The "asks which donuts are the freshest, and then doesn't order a donut" guy
- The "stands unreasonably close to me in line" guy

but every now and then, the "I am a completely competent and reasonable adult" guy shows up.  This gentleman doesn't come in as often as i do, but he is still there a few times a week.  He always orders a couple dozen donuts and a box of pre made coffee to go.  Get this:  he knows his order takes a long time, so he lets people go in front of him.  He actually lets people go in front of him so that they don't have to wait.  And to top it all off... he has held the door for me many times, even though his hands are usually filled.  Thanks for not being a selfish dick, "reasonable adult" guy.  

Seriously though.  The next chance you get to hold open a door, or to let a lady go ahead of you in line, or to say please or thank you, take it.  It could make someones day that much nicer so he doesn't have to go onto his blog and use naughty words like "fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears".  For real though, fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears.  

-J.

Top 5 Episode IV: A new hip hop(e)

Alright.  This may come a shocker to some people but here it is plain and simple:  I like Hip Hop.  I really do.  

I have heard many people in the past say this exact sentence when asked about their musical preferences: "I like everything, except country and rap."  I have a couple problems with this.  First of all, you don't like everything.  You may like the idea of everything, but really, everyone who has said that previous sentence really meant "I like popular music in a few different styles."  When people ask you this question, it is usually to try and build a conversation on similar interests, not trying to find out is you are intolerant of other cultures.  You do not have to be vauge about this question.  Just tell them some of the CDs you have in the car that very minute.  Second, by stating that you "like everything, except country and rap" you have missed the point.  By completely excluding two very large genres of music, you have crippled your ability to really enjoy music.  I am not saying that a true appreciator has to like everything.  That is not my point.  But, by ignoring any genre of music outright, or simply saying that you do, you limit yourself.  I truly do like most (Read: not all) kinds of music.  I just happen to hate a ton of people that professionally make pop music.  Big Difference.

Hip Hop, to me, is something special, something different from Rap music in general.  It speaks to a different style of life.  It is a much more poetic, storytelling style of performance.  The lines between Rap and Hip Hop are often blurred, especially by record companies and media outlets.  They can't seem to tell the difference.  Content is the key to telling the two apart.  Rap songs can be catchy, but Hip Hop has content.  It has meaning.  It is kind of like English English and American English.  They both use the same words and structure, but one sounds more refined, more clever.  Almost anything sounds more intelligent in a British accent.

Just ask any Arrested Development fan.

I make no claim as to my complete knowledge of Hip Hop.  I will be the first to acknowledge that i have much more to learn.  But over the years i have picked up a few favorite artists here and there, mostly due to awesome recommendations from friends.  So here is a list of Hip Hop songs/artists that I really enjoy.  

Number 5: "Kick, Push" by Lupe Fiasco

Native Chicagoan Lupe Fiasco is a rapper, singer, songwriter, record producer, and CEO of  1st and 15th Entertainment.  Ever since i heard his album the first time, i knew that he was something different.  This song, for instance, is about a young man who takes up skateboarding, and how it ends up defining him as a person.  That alone makes this song worth listening to.  He is not bragging about his own skateboarding skills (he can't actually skate himself, and he openly admits it), or how much money he makes, or how much of a thug he is.  Its a love song about two skateboarding kids who are just looking for a good place to skate.  Such a cool song.  My favorite lyric is from the second verse:

"Met his girlfriend, she was clappin' in the crowd, Love is what was happening to him now,

He said I would marry you but I'm engaged to these aerials and varials

And I don't think this board is strong enough to carry 2 She said bow I weigh 120 pounds, now Lemme make one thing clear I don't need to ride yours I got mine right here."

Boom.  Love storied.

Number 4: "UNIverse at War" By The Roots Feat. Common

The Roots were one of the first Hip Hop groups that i ever listened to.  I also got to see them live once, and they are amazing.  One of my favorite Roots songs has always been "UNIverse at War" from Illadelph Halflife.  I have to thank either Teddy O. or Dave Helem for introducing me to the Roots.  My favorite lyrics are from Common:

"Some let the block block they mind if they could see what I see

Get out the city for a sec be at the places I be

Hey, I'ma be back on the deck, opening

Business in places for you to cash your check

My, neck of the woods ain't all good ain't all bad

You can live in the burbs, and still get had"

Number 3: "Definition/REdefinition" by Black Star

Mos Def and Talib Kweli are Black Star is a fantastic album.  I chose this track (its actually 2 tracks that run back to back) for two reasons.  First, this is my favorite track on the album and second, this song is about how Hip Hop is ruining itself and needs to return to its roots. The lyrics in this song reflect how Hip Hop came from humble origins, and it has become too violent and hateful.  My favorite lyrics from this song are from Mos Def, and are right at the beginning of the song:

"Yo, from the first to the last of it, delivery is passionate

The whole and not the half of it, vocab and not the math of it

Projectile that them blasted with, accurate assassin shit

Me and Kweli close like, Bethlehem and Nazareth"

Did he just say "Me and Kweli close like Bethlehem and Nazareth"? Yes.  Yes he did.

Number 2: "Us Placers" by Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, and Pharell Williams

This song prominently features music from the song "The Eraser" by Thom Yorke, the singer from Radiohead (One of my favorite bands) so i immediately paid attention when i heard it on the radio.  Say what you will about Kanye's personality, but he is a fantastic writer.  The song speaks mostly about how being famous still doesn't make life any better.  Kind of a modern day "Mo Money, Mo Problems" type song.  Usually, when a rapper starts talking about how much money they have, i stop paying attention.  This song is different.  They are not bragging.  It is almost an apology to their younger selves, trying desperately to let them know that money is not what is important most in life (Hence, the younger versions of themselves in the video).  I know i may be reading a little too much between the lines on this one, but i feel that the whole first verse makes this very clear: 

"Two pinky rings for my manicured fingers

A trained German Shepherd that barks when it’s angered

To watch my possessions and look out for strangers

A 50 foot yacht with an anchor

Young supermodel that shall remain nameless

Ups and the downs, the sames and the changes

All the money in the world don’t make it painless" 

Number 1: you probably could guess...

Lulz.  Just kidding.  But how did you not see this coming?

Number 1, with a bullet: "What's Golden?" By Jurassic 5

"Whats Golden?" is a true Hip Hop song, and the MCs from Jurassic 5 are truly talented.  They use their words and styles to deliver different ideas and thoughts in an impressively intelligent way.  This song is specifically about how they try to stay true to their Hip Hop roots, and the love of their craft itself.  Another example of real artists shying away from the goal of making money and trying to create something pure.  My favorite lyrics state this exactly:

Melancholy mundane so I tame the hot flame
Big rings, fat chains, and y'all quest for the same
No name, use fame, strictly new to the thang
We stay true to the game and never bring it to shame

I think what i like about good Hip Hop is that it is not focused on the trivial things that seem to preoccupy every other rap song.  I don't care about how many hos you made it rain on last night.  That is stupid.  Tell me a real story, something that is meaningful to you, something intelligent, and i will glady pay attention.  And if anyone has any good recommendations, i will give them a listen.  I am always on the lookout for new music.  Just don't recommend any country songs.  I fucking hate country music. (see what i did there? lulz.)

-J.