Every morning before work, i stop into a Dunkin Donuts for a coffee. The morning shift knows me now, and they don't even ask what i want anymore. I like that. It is even to the point where if there is a line, they will make my coffee before i even get to the register so that my wait is even shorter. My whole trip (parking, going in, paying, leaving) takes about 90 seconds if there is no line.
But every now and then, every douchebag within a 5 mile radius decides that they want to go to my Dunkin Donuts and make my morning as shitty as possible. Here is just a taste of the many varieties of douchebaggery that occurs.
-The "I am going to park any damn way i please" lady.
There has been at least 5 different occasions where i have run into a specific lady outside of Dunkin Donuts. She drives a white Lexus SUV type thing, and just parks her car wherever the shit she feels like, including but not limited to:
-directly next to my driver side door, making it impossible to get in or out
-directly on the curb in front of the store, almost blocking the door
-completely over the line because she is bad at parking (accident)
-diagonally across 2 different spots because she is a pretentious bitch (on purpose)
She also drives like a crazy person, paying no attention to pedestrians, other cars, small children, pets, etc. She goes the wrong way down one way parking aisles. She completely disregards the aisles completely and makes up her own way out of the lot. She ignores stop signs. All while talking on her phone and holding a cup of coffee. She is the living embodiment of a reckless, entitled, stereotypical woman driver. (note: i do not think all women are bad drivers, but goddamn, she is giving you guys a bad name.) Seriously lady, don't suck so hard at driving, if only to save the time it takes clean all of the children out of your cars grill.
-The "i am too busy to hold a door for anyone" guy
This actually applies to a few gentlemen. Seriously, hold a door sometime you worthless pricks. It's a simple gesture of courtesy that cost you NOTHING except a few seconds of your time. I could understand a guy not holding a door for me, say, if he was super homophobic, and thought that holding a door for me was equivalent to him saying that he wanted to take me on a date. I can understand a man or woman with their hands full not being able to hold the door. I can understand a frail old woman not holding the door due to her being old. But c'mon dude... if you let that door close in my face one more time, i am going to smack the coffee out of your hand and eat your donuts. Don't be a dick.
-The "i don't understand how lines work" guy
Again, this applies to a few perpetrators. First up is the guy who tries to weasel his way into line in front of other people while acting like he didn't know the line curved around and came back towards the door. He has tried this twice he gets away with it because no one wants to call him out on his dickish ways. See, most people are not, in fact, dicks. They do not want to yell at a guy who has simply made a mistake.
The next guy is the smart ass who takes cutting in line to professional levels. At my Dunkin Donuts, there are two registers and one line, and they ask for the next person in line. There is a guy who comes in and immediately goes to stand behind the person on the left register, like everyone else in line was just waiting for the other register, and he was the only person to realize that there were two registers open. What a fucker. This also causes what i like to call "plausible asshole syndrome". Instead of rising up as a unit and slaying the douchebag like we should, everyone else decides "yeah, instead of waiting patiently, lets all fight over these two lines." Since that guy got to be dick, everyone else decides that they will too. What a complete asshole.
Then there are a few odds and end people that just piss me off in general:
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm important" guy
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm popular" girl
- The "take fucking forever to decide on what donuts you want in your half dozen" lady
- The "I'm going to pay in pennies for my sandwich" lady
- The "asks which donuts are the freshest, and then doesn't order a donut" guy
- The "stands unreasonably close to me in line" guy
but every now and then, the "I am a completely competent and reasonable adult" guy shows up. This gentleman doesn't come in as often as i do, but he is still there a few times a week. He always orders a couple dozen donuts and a box of pre made coffee to go. Get this: he knows his order takes a long time, so he lets people go in front of him. He actually lets people go in front of him so that they don't have to wait. And to top it all off... he has held the door for me many times, even though his hands are usually filled. Thanks for not being a selfish dick, "reasonable adult" guy.
Seriously though. The next chance you get to hold open a door, or to let a lady go ahead of you in line, or to say please or thank you, take it. It could make someones day that much nicer so he doesn't have to go onto his blog and use naughty words like "fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears". For real though, fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears.
-J.
No comments:
Post a Comment