Thursday, November 15, 2012

Video games and head colds ruin my life

Over these last few weeks, three of the most highly anticipated games of this year came out. Assassins Creed III, Halo 4, and Call of Duty: Black Ops 2 were released one week apart from each other starting three weeks ago. Needless to say, my video game playing has been at a high this month, and it is probably more than I have played all year.

These games are very, very good. And at the same time, they are very, very bad. Combine all the video gaming with my normal load of work, cleaning the house, playing with my son and writing and my schedule gets really full, really fast. I have not sacrificed any of my other time spent to make up for the gaming I have been doing, and that adds up to one thing: very tired Jeff. Even more so than regular wiped out dad Jeff.

That speaks volumes for how good those games are (or how badly I am addicted to video games). I can handle being tired. I complain a lot, but in I
still get my shit done. What I can't handle are goddamn head colds. I hate feeling stuffy and congested when I wake up in the morning. I hate sitting at my desk trying not to sneeze and stab myself with a screwdriver (not as random as it sounds. I work in a repair shop).

So, now I have my yearly winter head cold. I am super psyched that it has now become a tradition in the winter months for my face to rebel against me and fill itself up with god knows what until I can't breathe. The only thing good about it is that (hopefully) I will get it out of the way early and it won't come back until next summer.

To sum up: really good video games have made me sleepier than normal, and now I have a head cold that is making it hard for me to relax because I can't breathe. FML. What i need is a good long weekend to recover. Maybe I can take some time to finish of a few pieces that I started writing a while ago... but then again, Black Ops 2 multiplayer waits for no man.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Noisy but nice neighbors

So a little less than a month ago, we got new neighbors directly below us. They seem to be pretty well mannered during the day time, but occasionally on the weekends they get a little rowdy. Tonight was the first time that I ever had to ask anyone else to "please keep it down".

Usually, I don't mind loud bodies coming from neighbors. Sometimes, repetitive, loud music can get a little annoying, but usually I am pretty laid back. Tonight, they were participating in a particularly loud game of "never have I ever" on their balcony. Their balcony is about ten feet from my sons window. Charlie woke up and decided he wanted to hang out with all the other loud people, demonstrated by the fact that he himself, started to scream. This did not make me happy.

I decided to take a rational approach (asking nicely) rather than what I felt like doing (yelling at them to shit the fuck up). I remember how it was to be young, intoxicated, and loud. I know how shitty it feels to be yelled at for having a good time. So mustering up all my upstairs neighbor courage, I stuck my head over my balcony and asked them nicely if they wouldn't mind keeping it down while they were on their balcony.

Surprisingly, my requests were met with kindness and understanding. Everyone complied and went back in Then I heard this exchange as they were going inside:
Guy who lives there, but was not out on the porch- what was that?
People from outside- the guy upstairs asked us to keep it down.
Guy who lives there- his name is Jeff. He's cool. He has a baby.
Everyone else- *aaaawwwww* (as in aaaawwwww that's cute, not aaaawwwww that's annoying)
Followed by a few different people saying "sorry Jeff"

Now, maybe a simple act of respect to an upstairs neighbor from a bunch of kids shouldn't stand out so much, and maybe I think to little of people a decade younger than me, but I am really glad that my downstairs neighbors seem to be pretty cool people. They didn't whine. They haven't complained. They were just really laid back. Good job, neighbors. I think I'll buy you a Christmas present. Maybe some ping pong balls for your beer pong table.

Sometimes it's the little things in life that restore your faith in humanity, even if you had to ask them to do it quietly so they didn't wake your son.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

Top 5 Episode V: Deleted, but not forgotten

Deleting a scene from a movie can serve many purposes: cutting down run time, streamlining the plot, removing unnecessary filler, and appeasing the censors.  Directors and editors have been chopping up their work for years, and sharing the scraps with us in the form of bonus content on special edition DVDs/BLU-Rays.   Not often, but every once in a while, something so great/crazy/amazing/completely bonkers gets cut out and almost forgotten.  Fear not.  I have watched many many many many movies, and i know of a few gems that were left on the cutting room floor.  for example...

Number 5: The Goonies fight a giant Octopus...with music


You may have seen this before.  When they show "The Goonies" on TV, they add this scene for time reasons.  I was taken back the first time i saw this.  I remember watching "The Goonies" all the time growing up, and i could not for the life of me remember this ever happening.  After they slide down the inexplicable water slides built into a pirate cave, they land in a quiet lagoon and see One-Eyed-Willy's ship for the first time.  As they wade through the lagoon, a giant octopus attacks them by letting them thrash around in the water while holding it's lifeless tentacles (alright, I'm not here to make fun of the terrible effects.  I'll move on).  Data, being the quick thinker that he is, stuffs his walkman (for those of you young enough not to know what a walkman is, it is an ancient device used to listen to cassette tapes, and equally ancient device used to store music files in analog format i.e. "tape") into the octpus' mouth.  Then the octopus dances away.  It freaking dances away.  this is literally the first large meal that this poor trapped creature has had in centuries, and it dances the fuck away from it.  To the tune of "Eight Arms To Hold You" by the Goon Squad (I see what they did there!).


Number 4: Carl Spackler makes a guest appearance in Ghostbusters

Warning: No matter what the video tells you, this is not very funny

I have no real idea why this scene would have been in the script in the first place.  That is, I had no real idea, until i found out that the original script for "The Blues Brothers" was the size of a phone book (for those of you young enough not to know what a phone book is, it is like if someone printed out a large chunk of the Internet for you to use to make phone calls).  I guess Dan Akroyd likes to flush out every single scene with context and speaking lines, even if it is just Louis Tully running past some bums as he is being chased by a giant demonic rat dog.  


Number 3: Why the face?


Yeah.  That was Arnie with a southern accent.  Wonderful job on the ADR there, guys.  They should have left this scene in the movie, if only to reinforce it's status as a comedy.  After seeing this, i realized that I liked this scene much more than the rest of the movie, and now I only watch this scene, and pretend that the rest of the movie was cut instead.  


Number 2: Ace Ventura fights a couple thugs...with music


Shortly after the "Is that the red, or the white" clam chowder scene, Ace has to escape from his pursuers at a death metal show.  In order to keep the crowd moving, and thus, physically battering his enemies for him, he begins to sing (read: growl).  He then goes into a bunch of different stage moves: The "pull my mouth open" made famous by no one ever, the "fall on the ground and flop like a fish" made famous by the theme song to spongebob squarepants, and the "weird crotch dance" made famous by Axl rose/Scott Weiland (honestly, he pulls that one off pretty well).  He then states that he has a date with everyones mothers.  Obviously, the writers of this scene have been to many, many death metal shows, because this is exactly what happens at all of them.  


Number 1, With a Bullet: All of the star was.  all of it.

Greedo needs target practice.


Seriously.  George Lucas has butt humped this once amazing story into the ground with his unnecessary changes and pointless prequels.  I get it.  You didn't have the technology to do everything that you wanted to in the originals.  Greedo could have easily shot first in the originals.  There was no lack of technology that made you change that. 


Comedian Patton Oswalt has a bit about the prequels that i whole-heartedly stand by.  Couldn't have said it better. In order for me to watch the Star Wars that i remember from my childhood, i would have to find a VCR (For those of you young enough.... you know what? Nevermind) and find my old VHS tapes of the original, unedited trilogy.  I know that this whole post is about deleted scenes, and this really does not apply to the entire series, but i wanted to get to that before i got to this:


This scene was from Episode IV.  That fat Scottish dude is Jabba the Hut. I like to think that in the time between Episodes IV and VI, Jabba Just really let himself go.  I guess it is only fair to mention that, according to Lucas, this scene was shot only as a place holder for the large, wormlike Jabba that we know today.   Yeah, whatever you say, you stuck up, half-witted, scruffy lookin nerf herder.  A pox on your house, Lucas.  Oh, you want to re-re-re-re-release all of the films, re edited in Digital 3-D?  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


-J.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

The end of a season, some time off, and minecraft

I host (or more correctly, hosted) a trivia night at Granite City food and brewery. One of the things that I love about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. One of the things that I hate about this job is that I am constantly writing trivia questions and coming up with new categories. It is a grueling task, but at the same time, it is very fulfilling.

I have been hosting trivia for a few months, and this most recent trivia season has officially come to and end. I find myself with a little extra time on my hands, but I am not complaining. The hardest part about writing the questions for trivia is the sheer volume of questions and answers that you have to compile and keep organized.
This means: coming up with a fun topic, deciding what you want the specific questions to be, writing them so they are easily read and easily understood, remembering what topics you have already covered, making sure not to cover the same topics and questions, and of course, double checking your work to make sure that you are not wrong or working from incorrect source material. Needless to say, this can be pretty taxing. I am sad to see the trivia season come to an end, but the prospect of more free time at night helps balance that out.

What does this mean to my thousands and thousands (ha) or readers? More frequent blogging! ...and there was much rejoicing. Yay. (I don't have video publishing on my blogger app, but when I get to my lap top, I will add that video from Holy Grail)

(See.  I told you I would.)

More frequent blogging you say? Yes. Unless I get sucked into another 8 hour minecraft session. Minecraft is an amazing game for two reasons. First, it is amazingly simple and unbelievably complex at the same time, and second, it is very easy to lose track of time and just keep mining and building. These are the makings of a fantastic game. It has been around for quite some time now, and I am still not tired of it.

That is all for now. I have a couple of fun topics planned for some future top five blogs, and all suggestions are welcome. If you have a good top five (or even a bad top five, but an overwhelming urge that compels you to insist that I write about it) feel free to comment on this page or suggest them on my Facebook wall. And as for me and the rest of my night, I sense a massive overhaul of my minecraft world.

-J.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Woot.

Ugh.  I am freaking pooped.  It's only three days into the work week and i am exhausted.  For those of you who do not know, i work in a repair shop.  We repair and refurbish musical instruments.  I work in the woodwind department.  I mostly work on flutes, clarinets, and the occasional saxophone and oboe.  We fix dents, replace faulty pads, make sure all the adjustments are correct, and other miscellaneous jobs that need to be done here and there.  the sheer volume of instruments that go through the shop is astounding.  Not only do we take care of all of the instruments that the company rents, but we also take care of customer owned horns as well.  It is a lot of work, and it is exhausting.  

So i have decided that i am going to take a mini vacation this weekend.  Starting Friday, i am going to spend the entire weekend relaxing.  Here are a few of the things i am going to do this weekend:

- Minecraft.  If the new creative mode update for the xbox edition of minecraft is released, i will be spending quite a bit of time playing a game that is essentially an 8 bit digital lego kit.

- If Minecraft does not update, I am going to rent/buy dishonored.  That game looks fun as well.  

- Hopefully, i will get a chance to go to the movies.  I would really like to go see Looper.  I have heard that it is really good, and i haven't been to the movies in a while.

-Here is the big one... Victor Wooten is going to be performing at the Elgin Community College this Saturday.  Ef yes.  If you do not know who Victor Wooten is, allow me to enlighten you.


That video was taken from a Béla Fleck and The Flecktones concert.  Just for fun, in the middle of a live show with one of the most talent heavy bands on the planet, he decides to play a six minute solo with bits of his more famous pieces (Classical thump and Amazing Grace) thrown in for fun.  This guy is one of, if not the best bass players that has ever lived.
And he is performing in Elgin.  On one of my days off.  Shit yeah. 

The entire Wooten family are musical geniuses.  Here is his brother, Roy "Future man" Wooten



And here is his brother Regi (the Teacher) Wooten playing slap guitar in a solo battle versus Victor.



And here is a video of Rudy Wooten playing a sax solo.    With two saxophones.  I guess that makes it a soli.  And the dancing hippy doesn't even phase him.


And last but not least, here is Joseph Wooten, ripping a keyboard solo.  (P.S. for fun, Joseph also is the Keyboard player in the Steve Miller Band.)



I really wish the entire Wooten Brothers band was going to be there, but i will be happy enough to go see Victor.  

So, in summation, i need a break.  So this weekend, i am taking one.  Anyone who is interested in going to see Victor Wooten on Saturday the 13th, tickets are only $32.  let me know if you feel like going.

-J.


Friday, October 5, 2012

Dunkin Donuts: A microcosm of douchbags

Every morning before work, i stop into a Dunkin Donuts for a coffee.  The morning shift knows me now, and they don't even ask what i want anymore.  I like that.  It is even to the point where if there is a line, they will make my coffee before i even get to the register so that my wait is even shorter.  My whole trip (parking, going in, paying, leaving) takes about 90 seconds if there is no line.  

But every now and then, every douchebag within a 5 mile radius decides that they want to go to my Dunkin Donuts and make my morning as shitty as possible.  Here is just a taste of the many varieties of douchebaggery that occurs.


-The "I am going to park any damn way i please" lady. 
There has been at least 5 different occasions where i have run into a specific lady outside of Dunkin Donuts.  She drives a white Lexus SUV type thing, and just parks her car wherever the shit she feels like, including but not limited to: 
-directly next to my driver side door, making it impossible to get in or out
-directly on the curb in front of the store, almost blocking the door
-completely over the line because she is bad at parking (accident)
-diagonally across 2 different spots because she is a pretentious bitch (on purpose)
She also drives like a crazy person, paying no attention to pedestrians, other cars, small children, pets, etc.  She goes the wrong way down one way parking aisles.  She completely disregards the aisles completely and makes up her own way out of the lot.  She ignores stop signs.  All while talking on her phone and holding a cup of coffee.  She is the living embodiment of a reckless, entitled, stereotypical woman driver.  (note: i do not think all women are bad drivers, but goddamn, she is giving you guys a bad name.)  Seriously lady, don't suck so hard at driving, if only to save the time it takes  clean all of the children  out of your cars grill.

-The "i am too busy to hold a door for anyone" guy
This actually applies to a few gentlemen.  Seriously, hold a door sometime you worthless pricks.  It's a simple gesture of courtesy that cost you NOTHING except a few seconds of your time.  I could understand a guy not holding a door for me, say, if he was super homophobic, and thought that holding a door for me was equivalent to him saying that he wanted to take me on a date.  I can understand a man or woman with their hands full not being able to hold the door.  I can understand a frail old woman not holding the door due to her being old.  But c'mon dude... if you let that door close in my face one more time, i am going to smack the coffee out of your hand and eat your donuts.  Don't be a dick.

-The "i don't understand how lines work" guy
Again, this applies to a few perpetrators.  First up is the guy who tries to weasel his way into line in front of other people while acting like he didn't know the line curved around and came back towards the door.  He has tried this twice he gets away with it because no one wants to call him out on his dickish ways.  See, most people are not, in fact, dicks.  They do not want to yell at a guy who has simply made a mistake.  
The next guy is the smart ass who takes cutting in line to professional levels.  At my Dunkin Donuts, there are two registers and one line, and they ask for the next person in line.  There is a guy who comes in and immediately goes to stand behind the person on the left register, like everyone else in line was just waiting for the other register, and he was the only person to realize that there were two registers open.  What a fucker.  This also causes what i like to call "plausible asshole syndrome".  Instead of rising up as a unit and slaying the douchebag like we should, everyone else decides "yeah, instead of waiting patiently, lets all fight over these two lines."  Since that guy got to be dick, everyone else decides that they will too.  What a complete asshole.  

Then there are a few odds and end people that just piss me off in general:
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm important" guy
- The "talk loudly into my phone to make sure people know I'm popular" girl
- The "take fucking forever to decide on what donuts you want in your half dozen" lady
- The "I'm going to pay in pennies for my sandwich" lady
- The "asks which donuts are the freshest, and then doesn't order a donut" guy
- The "stands unreasonably close to me in line" guy

but every now and then, the "I am a completely competent and reasonable adult" guy shows up.  This gentleman doesn't come in as often as i do, but he is still there a few times a week.  He always orders a couple dozen donuts and a box of pre made coffee to go.  Get this:  he knows his order takes a long time, so he lets people go in front of him.  He actually lets people go in front of him so that they don't have to wait.  And to top it all off... he has held the door for me many times, even though his hands are usually filled.  Thanks for not being a selfish dick, "reasonable adult" guy.  

Seriously though.  The next chance you get to hold open a door, or to let a lady go ahead of you in line, or to say please or thank you, take it.  It could make someones day that much nicer so he doesn't have to go onto his blog and use naughty words like "fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears".  For real though, fuck those assholes right in their goddamn ears.  

-J.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Top 5 Episode IV: A new hip hop(e)

Alright.  This may come a shocker to some people but here it is plain and simple:  I like Hip Hop.  I really do.  

I have heard many people in the past say this exact sentence when asked about their musical preferences: "I like everything, except country and rap."  I have a couple problems with this.  First of all, you don't like everything.  You may like the idea of everything, but really, everyone who has said that previous sentence really meant "I like popular music in a few different styles."  When people ask you this question, it is usually to try and build a conversation on similar interests, not trying to find out is you are intolerant of other cultures.  You do not have to be vauge about this question.  Just tell them some of the CDs you have in the car that very minute.  Second, by stating that you "like everything, except country and rap" you have missed the point.  By completely excluding two very large genres of music, you have crippled your ability to really enjoy music.  I am not saying that a true appreciator has to like everything.  That is not my point.  But, by ignoring any genre of music outright, or simply saying that you do, you limit yourself.  I truly do like most (Read: not all) kinds of music.  I just happen to hate a ton of people that professionally make pop music.  Big Difference.

Hip Hop, to me, is something special, something different from Rap music in general.  It speaks to a different style of life.  It is a much more poetic, storytelling style of performance.  The lines between Rap and Hip Hop are often blurred, especially by record companies and media outlets.  They can't seem to tell the difference.  Content is the key to telling the two apart.  Rap songs can be catchy, but Hip Hop has content.  It has meaning.  It is kind of like English English and American English.  They both use the same words and structure, but one sounds more refined, more clever.  Almost anything sounds more intelligent in a British accent.


Just ask any Arrested Development fan.

I make no claim as to my complete knowledge of Hip Hop.  I will be the first to acknowledge that i have much more to learn.  But over the years i have picked up a few favorite artists here and there, mostly due to awesome recommendations from friends.  So here is a list of Hip Hop songs/artists that I really enjoy.  

Number 5: "Kick, Push" by Lupe Fiasco


Native Chicagoan Lupe Fiasco is a rapper, singer, songwriter, record producer, and CEO of  1st and 15th Entertainment.  Ever since i heard his album the first time, i knew that he was something different.  This song, for instance, is about a young man who takes up skateboarding, and how it ends up defining him as a person.  That alone makes this song worth listening to.  He is not bragging about his own skateboarding skills (he can't actually skate himself, and he openly admits it), or how much money he makes, or how much of a thug he is.  Its a love song about two skateboarding kids who are just looking for a good place to skate.  Such a cool song.  My favorite lyric is from the second verse:

"Met his girlfriend, she was clappin' in the crowd, Love is what was happening to him now,

He said I would marry you but I'm engaged to these aerials and varials
And I don't think this board is strong enough to carry 2 She said bow I weigh 120 pounds, now Lemme make one thing clear I don't need to ride yours I got mine right here."

Boom.  Love storied.

Number 4: "UNIverse at War" By The Roots Feat. Common


The Roots were one of the first Hip Hop groups that i ever listened to.  I also got to see them live once, and they are amazing.  One of my favorite Roots songs has always been "UNIverse at War" from Illadelph Halflife.  I have to thank either Teddy O. or Dave Helem for introducing me to the Roots.  My favorite lyrics are from Common:

"Some let the block block they mind if they could see what I see

Get out the city for a sec be at the places I be
Hey, I'ma be back on the deck, opening
Business in places for you to cash your check
My, neck of the woods ain't all good ain't all bad
You can live in the burbs, and still get had"

Number 3: "Definition/REdefinition" by Black Star


Mos Def and Talib Kweli are Black Star is a fantastic album.  I chose this track (its actually 2 tracks that run back to back) for two reasons.  First, this is my favorite track on the album and second, this song is about how Hip Hop is ruining itself and needs to return to its roots. The lyrics in this song reflect how Hip Hop came from humble origins, and it has become too violent and hateful.  My favorite lyrics from this song are from Mos Def, and are right at the beginning of the song:

"Yo, from the first to the last of it, delivery is passionate

The whole and not the half of it, vocab and not the math of it
Projectile that them blasted with, accurate assassin shit
Me and Kweli close like, Bethlehem and Nazareth"

Did he just say "Me and Kweli close like Bethlehem and Nazareth"? Yes.  Yes he did.


Number 2: "Us Placers" by Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, and Pharell Williams



This song prominently features music from the song "The Eraser" by Thom Yorke, the singer from Radiohead (One of my favorite bands) so i immediately paid attention when i heard it on the radio.  Say what you will about Kanye's personality, but he is a fantastic writer.  The song speaks mostly about how being famous still doesn't make life any better.  Kind of a modern day "Mo Money, Mo Problems" type song.  Usually, when a rapper starts talking about how much money they have, i stop paying attention.  This song is different.  They are not bragging.  It is almost an apology to their younger selves, trying desperately to let them know that money is not what is important most in life (Hence, the younger versions of themselves in the video).  I know i may be reading a little too much between the lines on this one, but i feel that the whole first verse makes this very clear: 

"Two pinky rings for my manicured fingers

A trained German Shepherd that barks when it’s angered
To watch my possessions and look out for strangers
A 50 foot yacht with an anchor
Young supermodel that shall remain nameless
Ups and the downs, the sames and the changes
All the money in the world don’t make it painless" 




Number 1: you probably could guess...

Lulz.  Just kidding.  But how did you not see this coming?



Number 1, with a bullet: "What's Golden?" By Jurassic 5


"Whats Golden?" is a true Hip Hop song, and the MCs from Jurassic 5 are truly talented.  They use their words and styles to deliver different ideas and thoughts in an impressively intelligent way.  This song is specifically about how they try to stay true to their Hip Hop roots, and the love of their craft itself.  Another example of real artists shying away from the goal of making money and trying to create something pure.  My favorite lyrics state this exactly:

Melancholy mundane so I tame the hot flame
Big rings, fat chains, and y'all quest for the same
No name, use fame, strictly new to the thang
We stay true to the game and never bring it to shame


I think what i like about good Hip Hop is that it is not focused on the trivial things that seem to preoccupy every other rap song.  I don't care about how many hos you made it rain on last night.  That is stupid.  Tell me a real story, something that is meaningful to you, something intelligent, and i will glady pay attention.  And if anyone has any good recommendations, i will give them a listen.  I am always on the lookout for new music.  Just don't recommend any country songs.  I fucking hate country music. (see what i did there? lulz.)

-J.

Friday, September 28, 2012

Top 5 Episode III: Top Five-o-rama

Okay, I am going to change things up a little bit.  Instead of doing one in depth top five, i am going to do 3 not-in-depth top fives.  

First up: Top 5 books I have recently read.  These are not necessarily new books to me, in fact one of them is an old favorite.  Also, a few of these (Read: All of them) i have listened to in audio form while I was at work instead of actually reading the book.  *SHAMELESS PLUG WARNING* Audible.com is a website that offers audio books for download to your smart phone type thingys so you can easily listen to them whenever.  I use it all the time.  

Number 5: "Redshirts" By John Scalzi, read by Wil Wheaton.

Number 4: "Snow Crash" By Neal Stephenson, read by Johnathan Davis.  Not the guy from Korn.  Some other guy.

Number 3: "Tough Shit" by Kevin Smith read by Kevin Smith.  

Number 2: "The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" by Douglas Addams. read by Stephen Fry.  This one is the classic that i was talking about above.  So far all of the other books were first time reads (or listens i guess).

Number 1, with a bullet: "Ready Player One" by Ernest Cline, read by Wil Wheaton.


"Ready Player One" is awesome.  I am so glad that i picked it up.  It follows the story of Wade Watts a.k.a.Parzival (sic), who spends his free time searching for a legendary easter egg in a fully subversive VR game called "The Oasis".  In the first chapter of the book you find out that the recently deceased creator of "The Oasis" has left his entire inheritance and controlling stake of "The Oasis" and it's parent company GSS hidden somewhere in the game's immensely huge universe.  The novel, and the search for the egg itself, are chock full of video game, 80s pop culture, science fiction, and musical references.  Seriously, go here and check out the full list of things referenced in the book.  


Next: Top 5 Albums I have listened to this week.  Besides listening to audio books at work, I also listen to music.  *SHAMELESS PLUG WARNING* I use Spotify.com to listen to whatever I want at work.  They have a HUGE streaming music library that you can use with your smart phone if you are a premium member.  The only downside: not enough underground metal.  Some of the smaller metal labels do not offer their music to spotify for streaming, which makes Jeff sad.  And of course, bands like Metallica, The Beatles, and Led Zeppelin also do not offer their music.  But hey, I'll pay ten bucks a month for everything else on the planet.  

Number 5: "Periphery II: This Time, It's Personal" by Periphery 

Number 4: "Pinkerton Special Edition" by Weezer

Number 3: "A Night At The Opera" by Queen

Number 2:  "Ghosts I-IV" By Nine Inch Nails.  Some of the tracks from this album were modified and used for the Social Network soundtrack.  Atticus Ross collaborated with Trent Reznor on this album.  Good music to work to.  

Number 1, with a bullet:  "Scurrilous" "Fortress" and "Kezia" by Protest the Hero. 

CAUTION: PROGRESSIVE HEAVY METAL!  LISTEN AT HIGH VOLUMES ONLY!
Sweet 'stache.

I grouped all three of these records together because i can.  So there.  Protest the Hero are one of my favorite bands, and i love all of their records.  They write very complex, very technically advanced songs.  They also rock your face off live.  I have never seen a band play more proficiently live (maybe one, and that was Periphery.  I just talked about them up there.)  Their singer Rody has an amazing voice, and he uses it like an instrument.  Instead of just growling and screaming or just plain singing, he mixes all of his abilities into a heavy dose of jazzy, growling, crooning, screamy (not a word), vocals.  I picked this video because who can say no to technically advanced odd time signature prog metal while the band is hopping down the street like a bunch of idiots? Not me, that's who.


Next up: Top 5 Podcasts.  Okay, so by now it is obvious that i consume a massive amount of media each week while sitting at my work bench.  Podcasts, for those of you who are uninitiated, are self produced recordings of conversations, interviews, and discussions that you can listen to.  It's kind of like talk radio, but for very specific audiences, and hosted by experts/actors/comedians.  Hard to explain, but very cool.  

Number 5: "How did this get made?" hosted by Paul Sheer, Jason Mantzoukas, and June Dianne Raphael.  They discuss terrible movies.  I mean really terrible.  Some of the movies featured: The Room, Batman and Robin, Jaws 4, and Judge Dredd.  Not all of these are un-enjoyable, but all of them are terrible.

Number 4: "The Nerdist" Hosted by Chris Hardwick, Jonah Ray and Matt Mira.  They feature interviews with all sorts of people from many different backgrounds.  Actors, comedians, scientists, and the like.  They mostly focus on things that people can nerd out about.  Very funny, and very cool to see so many different guests. 

Number 3:  "Good Job Brain" hosted by Karen, Colin, Dana, and Chris, a bar trivia team.  A weekly bar trivia themed podcast featuring quizzes, fun facts, obscure knowledge, and other fun topics.  All around a fun listen, and right up my alley.

Number 2: "Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me" hosted by Peter Sagel and Carl Kasell.  Wait Wait is a weekly NPR news quiz.  They record most weeks out of Chicago, and they feature panelists like Paula Poundstone, Mo Rocca, Roy Blount Jr. and Tom Bodett.  They basically go over the weeks most interesting news stories and have a good laugh while they are at it.

Number 1, with a bullet: "Hollywood Babble on" Hosted by Ralph Garman.  

Bigger than Liam Neeson's cock.

If you are unfamiliar with the work of Kevin Smith, i should at least warn you, he uses a lot of naughty words.  So listen at your own risk.  Kev Smith and Ralph Garman go over the weeks entertainment news, celebrity gossip and geek news.  They talk about upcoming movies that will suck, shit that should not be (very obvious continuity goofs, background oddities, and equipment goofs in very popular movies), Hollywood helpers (Actors and other famous people who have done a good deed that week), and of course, Liam Neeson's cock.  They end every show with a segment about Liam Neeson's mythically large member.   I know that sounds weird, but it is really funny.  For example:  Liam Neeson's cock is soooo big...(How big is it?) it's the reason Apple introduced the panoramic camera on the iPhone 5... Okay, so maybe it doesn't read that well, but stupid dick and fart jokes make the day go by so fast at work.  And if there is anything Kevin Smith is good at, it is stupid dick and fart jokes.

So there you go.  That is what i listen to all day while i am re-padding your clarinets and replacing your flute's head joint cork *SHAMELESS PLUG WARNING* at the beautiful new Quinlan and Fabish location in Bur Ridge, Illinois.  Quinlan and Fabish, your trusted partner in music education since 1959. 
-J.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Top 5 Episode II: Video Games (Kind of)


Trying to pick out my top five video games of all time is not an easy task.  So I'm not going to do that.  Instead, i am going to go over my top five favorite video game moments/ memories/ characters/ songs.  It's a very abstract list. 

Number 5: All of the music from The first three Mega-Man games


Check out the super sweet cover art from Mega-Man I, drawn by someone who had never, ever, actually played the game.


The Mega-Man series of video games holds a very special place in my heart, especially the first three.  They were some of the most challenging games that i played as a young man.  For those of you who may have never played any of these games, Mega-Man was a robot who fought bad robots.  At the end of every level, you had to beat a boss robot who had special weapons and more powerful attacks. Once you defeated a boss, you were then able to use their specific weapon later in the game.  The only way to beat these bosses easily was to use the correct weapon on them.  So what made the game a challenge was the trial and error needed to find out each bosses weakness so that you could go to the final stage.  Believe me, trying to find out a bosses weakness without the Internet is an unrelenting  nightmare. 


My favorite intro.

What made these games so fun was the amazing soundtrack that looped in the background as you made your way through the different stages.  Each stage had a different theme, and they were all catchy as hell.  They got your blood going.  The songs were written using the NES' limited sound capabilities, but they were still very well composed.  And they had to be.  The songs created a loop that would play in the background while you ran a level, and as i said before, there was quite a bit of trial and error involved, so you ended up listening to the songs many times over.  I never got tired of them.  To this day, i still listen to the original 8-bit soundtrack in my free time. 



One of my favorite level themes, Airman, from Mega-Man 2


Number 4: Halo Multiplayer LAN parties

A LAN party (LAN stands for Local Area Network a.k.a. a bunch of computers hooked up together) is when a bunch of people get together with a bunch of linked computers or video game consoles and all play the same game together.  Unlike playing multiplayer online with players from anywhere in the world, LAN parties allowed you the opportunity to enjoy your friends immediate company.  What made this such a fun time was the competitive spirit it generated and the good sportsmanship of your close friends.   Just kidding.  What made this fun was shooting your friend in the face from across the map, and then yelling "SUCK IT!" at the top of your lungs even though he is sitting right next to you.  What made it fun was throwing a sticky grenade at your roommate and having it stick directly on his face, watching him explode, and then repeatedly crouching over his lifeless body (This was done to symbolize superiority.  Some people say that it represented defecating on your opponent.  We always just called it "tea bagging").  

Really insanely lucky grenade throw.  This would have inspired much yelling.

Some of my fondest memories of college happened at what we liked to call "Halo Night".  We would all get together and drink beers and shoot at each other and call each other names.  All in good fun of course.  My favorite moment of all time involved a guy nicknamed Mars.  Mars was not the greatest player, but he sure tried hard.  I'm not going to get into the specifics of how the game works, but i will sum it up: Accidentally kill your team mate= -1 point.  Accidentally kill yourself= -1 point.  Kill an enemy= +1 point.  The match began with Mars shooting a team mate in the head, throwing a grenade at the ground that may or may not have killed another team member, followed by him immediately jumping over the edge of the bridge he was walking on and falling to his death.  All within 2 seconds of game time.  As my friend P-Cock would say: "Ready, Go! You're losing."  This caused mass hysteria at the time, bringing the game to a halt as we all laughed uncontrollably.  I actually had to stop typing for a minute because i was chuckling to myself about it.

Not mentioned, but still included in this entry: Golden Eye split screen multiplayer, Mario Party, Old school Tetris and Dr Mario tournaments, and last but not least, Marvel Ultimate Avengers (MOOOOOOOON  NIIIIIIIIIGHT!)

Praise be to Khonshu!

Number 3: Scoring my first 100% FC on Guitar Hero

The first time i ran into Guitar Hero, it changed my life.  I'm sure that most of you know what Guitar Hero is, but for those that don't: Guitar Hero is a rhythm based video game that uses a small plastic guitar as it's controller.  It has five buttons on the neck that represent notes, and a strum bar that represents strumming the strings.  To play a note, you hold down one of the buttons, and strum the strum bar.  Sounds easy?  It is not.  

Bark at the moon from Guitar Hero 1.

The general mechanics are very similar to playing a real guitar and fairly easy to learn, but getting a high score or beating an intricate song are a little tougher.  Their are many things you can do to improve your score, but the most important of them all is to keep your multiplyer at it's highest level by playing perfectly.  If you were to play all of the notes in a song, but over strum once, and you break your combo, reducing your score.  If you were to play every note in a song and not break your combo, you would receive 100% on the song and it would be called an FC, or full combo.  

The first song that i played perfect was Stellar by Incubus.  I was the first one of all my friends to do so on any song, and i was immensely proud of myself.  I took a picture of the screen to prove that i had done it, and for future bragging rights.  I had caught the bug.  I started trying to raise my score on every song in the game.  After a couple months, i was hands down the best guitar hero player out of all my friends.  I started competing at amateur levels, and found that i was way better than most of those people too.  And i didn't stop there.  Soon games were offering drum peripherals to play drum parts.  After a bit of practice, i found that i was really good at that too.  I began the immediate domination of all of my friends high scores across multiple games and platforms, and started putting up top 200 in the nation scores on Scorehero.com, a high score posting site.  I was very proud of my abilities.  And then this happened.


That is IamChris4Life a.k.a. Chris Chike's 100% FC run of Through the Fire And Flames from Guitar Hero 3.  It is insanely hard, and it last for 8 minutes.  He was one of the first people to beat the song outright, and the first person to 100% the song. In one 8 minute video, IamChris4Life destroyed everyone elses scores and became the first true guitar hero, at least in my little corner of the Internet.   I decided that no matter how good i got, i would never be this good.  My ego deflated a little bit, but i still can beat just about any takers on both guitar and drums.  So if you are feeling lucky, you can challenge me whenever you like.  Come at me, bro.


Number 2: Link, from the Legend of Zelda Series



Link has been, and always will be, one of my favorite characters from video games.  He is the hero in the Legend Of Zelda games, and one of the most famous video game characters of all time.  I have always enjoyed the Legend Of Zelda games, and because of that, i have grown attached to Link as a character.  Every Zelda game includes action, strategy, and puzzle solving elements, with a little bit of humor and horror thrown in for good measure (Anyone who says there is no horror in Zelda games, go replay the bottom of the well level from Ocarina of Time.  Yeah, that's what i thought) 



He always is using new weapons or items to achieve his goals or solve puzzles.  It was awesome to play a game where you had to fight off creatures with a sword, and then alternately, solve a gigantic puzzle to open a door to a boss.  Link also had very little dialogue, making it very easy to be drawn into the character.  I even liked the terribly written, impossibly silly Legend of Zelda cartoon featured on the Super Mario Brothers Super show.  Link went from never speaking to saying "Excuuuuuuuuuse me, princess" every chance he got.  I still liked it.




Number 1, with a bullet: The Plot twist in Bioshock.

Okay, i will preface this entry with a great big SPOILERS ALERT.  I will give away many plot points of the game Bioshock, which are most definitely SPOILERS if you have not played the game.  Seriously, SPOILERS.  If you have not played the game, but are planning on it, you may want to skip this next bit.  One last time, SPOILERS



Okay, the story of Bioshock is a little hard to explain, but i will do my best.  Set in1960, you begin the game in a fiery plane crash in the middle of the ocean.  Your only chance of survival is swimming to a small island with a lighthouse on it.  Upon entering the lighthouse, you find that it is the entrance to a sprawling underground city called Rapture.  Your character soon finds that this once beautiful underwater city has fallen into disrepair, and most of it's inhabitants have gone crazy, or have just plain mutated.  Your character is contacted via radio by a man named Atlas, and he guides you to safety.  Atlas pleads with you to help him rescue his family from the man who created the underwater city.  You start following Atlas' orders in a desperate attempt to save his family and get out alive.  Finally, after fighting through levels and levels of mutants, you reach Andrew Ryan, the man who has kidnapped Atlas' family.  And then, you get a knowledge bomb dropped on you.  

A summary of the story of Bioshock in 5 minutes.

You find out that Atlas has been controlling you the whole time.  He always says the phrase "Would ya kindly..." followed by some instruction like pick up that wrench, or open that door.  This phrase turns out to be a subliminal message that makes you blindly follow commands.  You are a sleeper agent who shares the same DNA with Andrew Ryan allowing you to breach Rapture's Security. Your only reason for existing is to find and kill Andrew Ryan, and Atlas (who turns of to be a gangster named Fontaine) is behind it all.

Holy shit.

I luckily played through this game without having any of the story spoiled for me.  The game itself is absolutely amazing.  The gameplay is fun, and the graphics and audio make the world of Rapture come to life.  But the real star of this game is the plot.  I was blown away by the plot twist.  Games frequently contain plot twists, but this one is the mother of them all.  Seriously, you are standing in the middle of an underwater metropolis, fighting for your life and trying to save a mans family, and all of a sudden you find out that your life is a lie, you are the illegitimate offspring of the man who is accused of kidnapping the family, you are being subconsciously controlled, and your only reason for existing is to kill Andrew Ryan.   You find all of this out in about 3 minutes.  Holy Cow.  I couldn't recommend this game enough after i beat it.  I know that recommending you play a game that i have just spoiled the story for seems silly, but even if you know the story, the game is still great.  



This is in the number one spot for one reason and one reason only:  this was the first time that i was actually in awe of a video game.  This game is scary, exciting, smart and cleverly written.  The first time i played through it, i can vividly remember having a holy shit moment when the plot twist was revealed.  Every part of the game leading up to the big reveal was designed to make the plot twist that much more of a shock.  Such a well made game.

Okay, another reason this is in the number one spot, is because i felt like writing about it.  I'm capricious, bitch. What can I say?

til next time, 
-J.